I need me a hair brained invention. The dude who invented Post It notes or Velcro wasn’t really a genius, just someone who had a great idea for something really, very useful. In this age of convenience, there’s a gadget for just about everything so I hope I haven’t missed my opportunity. I just need to come up with something everybody wants.
Everybody wants washing that folds itself……not sure how I’d go about that invention though. Sounds like it would be a rather cumbersome piece of equipment (unless it was Manuel, the gorgeous South American pool boy who doubled as washing folderer upperer) and most people are already cramped for space. Lawns that mow themselves or even better, silent lawn mowers and whipper snippers so my weekend relaxation wasn’t disturbed by my neighbours incessant, obsessive lawn care regimes.
I recently received a catalogue to my very doorstep from a company named Home Care. They offer to bring shopping to your home, which anyone with a toddler will know sounds kind of appealing. Real shopping has just lost it’s gloss since I have a boy who despises shops more than his father! Although Home Care sounds as though they ought to be supply commodes and shower chairs, in fact, they offer an array of marvellous pieces of crap that you never realised that you needed. As I opened the plastic I was very dubious about this catalogue whose front cover was brandishing a pineapple corer/slicer and a Portable Chilled Condiment Caddie amongst others. I was ready to poo poo this company until I realised, these people were the brave supporters of the hair brained invention.
Where else does one go once one has actually manufactured their brilliant money making idea?
By jove, I have it, a plastic banana guard!! Nope, they’ve already thought of it. For a mere $4.90 (on special, reduced from $5.90 for this month only) you never have to worry about a squashed, blackened banana stinking up your handbag ever again. Non-banana lovers will not appreciate what a modern marvel this invention is, but with the banana being a mother’s best friend (for portability of snacking ease) this could be the answer to your prayers. What about an Inflatable Cooling Buffet? They claim it will be ‘the talking point of any social gathering’. How brilliant! If your friends are tongue tied and boring, you give them something to talk about. I know my social gatherings are often stuck for riveting chit chat so this a must-have – cool salad, and cool ‘How about that buffet?’ conversation. Win/win.
As I flip through the pages, marvelling at all this crap, I actually began to see beyond all the junk and see how many practical items there were that could make my life that little bit easier. Sure, I didn’t exactly need a dedicated Lettuce Knife, but imagine the possibilities it would open up in my life. I could cut lettuce! There was a nifty little three tiered shelf thingy-majiggy that actually was quite practical. You pop it into your pantry and suddenly the confusing mass of tin cans are can now be organised into three levels creating a new ease with which you can shop in your own pantry.
But I suppose, for me, the piece de resistance for me is the Meer Cat Barometer. It’s practical and aesthetically pleasing. Nobody’s frontage is complete without a meer cat, I’ve oft thought to myself, but a built in barometer is simply a stroke of genius. A Meer Cat that tells you when it’s going to rain…..gold. So what have I got? What can I possibly come up with that could be my money spinner? A back lotion applicator? Already there. A bracelet helper that eleviates the frustration of trying to do the clasp of your own bracelets? Somebody beat me to it. I’m shit outta luck, but I will keep working on it, because now that I know Home Care will support my crappy idea, I feel all the more likely to have one.
Anyone got any suggestions?