At the moment my theme song would have to be ‘I Got You, Babe’.
Not because I’m having a resurgence of love for UB40, although there is certainly a time and a place for that (usually about 3am with red wine stained lips) but because I’ve been feeling decidedly as though I’m living in Ground Hog Day, but without the cute little beaver hog thing.
I was completely prepared for the newborn slog, but being prepared in your head is never the same as reality. Reality smells funny and comes with sore nipples because reality really does bite.
Feed, nappy, sleep, put on wash, stack dishwasher, hang washing, feed D Man, make a cuppa, make breakfast- DING!
Feed, nappy, sleep, clean up toys, unstack dishwasher, feed D Man, make a cuppa, get washing, make lunch – DING!
Feed, nappy, sleep, clean up toys, stack dishwasher, feed D Man, make a cuppa, fold washing, make dinner – DING!
‘Tis the baby vortex, the baby vortex, yeah
That’s my song…..Not very inspirational stuff to write about, huh? But hey, we boldly endeavour to make the mundane interesting in the land of Blog so I shall persevere!
Strangely enough there seems to be quite a market for sexy housewives. They’re like mythological creatures.
I’m sure they exist somewhere, but I’ve never seen one with my own eyes ( no offence, ladies). Many disappointed people have entered some fairly interesting things into google and been led to my site (did you know I can check these things? Technology is wild!). One poor, unsuspecting googler typed in ‘real sexy housewife photos’.
Is it just me or is that an oxymoron?
I would hazard a guess that he (I’m guessing he) was hoping for someone vacuuming in lingerie, or washing up in the buff bar some fluffy topped gloves, but in reality he got me. He should send me a thank you email for not putting up images of myself with scarecrow hair, breast feeding in my flannelette pajama’s on the couch surrounded by piles of washing. He may never sleep again, and not in a good way.
Somebody else typed ‘bending photos of housewife’. Would that be a house wife folding pictures in half or bending over to pick up Leggo and half chewed food? Neither is particularly sexy to my mind, but hey, different strokes for different folks.
Another poor sucker typed in ‘real housewife fantasies’, no doubt hoping for tawdry tales of plumbers ‘fixing plumbing’ and Juan the Poolboy ‘cleaning filters’ but alas, they ended up with me talking about how I fantasise about reading a book on the train.
Epic search engine fail
How very disappointing…..but seriously, what the hell do people think housewives get up to? Or am I just really boring?
That said, any time I’ve had an actual plumber or appliance delivery man come over he’s not been worth half a look (except that one time that cute guy delivered some white goods – not a euphemism, it was a fridge).
Perhaps, if people wanted housewives to have stinking hot fantasies then tradies should take better care of themselves and not have their hairy bum crack visible and apply a touch of deodorant??
I posted a picture of my tracksuit/socks/Birkenstocks ensemble on Facebook recently and was thoroughly ridiculed for my trackie pants. I’d like you to know that although they have not been dispensed of, I have added a pair of PJ’s to my suburban repertoire.
That Longoria has nothing on me.