My head

A Letter To Me On My 36th Birthday

July 7, 2012

Hey you,

Happy birthday, my friend.
I wanted to write you a love letter for your birthday because you’ve been feeling a little blue lately. You need to lighten up on yourself, lady. You’re doing the best you can and you’re doing a great job.
When you had dreams of riches and fame, you thought a life less ordinary was the only kind of life worth living. Lately, you’ve been viewing your life as very ordinary. Well, let me tell you, you are anything but ordinary and you have plenty to be thankful for.

Your toddler is driving you nuts because he is energetic. He has a curiosity that makes him get into everything. That’s because he’s bright and his brain works beautifully. Your two children are the very picture of health. Just look at a children’s hospital ward and see how much you have to be thankful for for this simple thing alone.
Your husband loves you and supports your creativity and dreams (despite occasional mocking, he’s a little bit proud.). He takes care of himself, emotionally and physically, but not so vain that he spends much more time in the mirror than you. Don’t resent the time he takes to pursue his passions, and don’t martyr yourself in your children’s name.
Make time for you -take time for you – to nurture your needs. You’ll be a better mother and partner if you do. Just do it. Starting today.

You’re in a financial position that allows you to care for your children, and though there may not be large amounts of disposable income, you do not go without the important things……and yearly European vacations aren’t classified as important, honey. Consider yourself lucky that you’ve experienced these things in the past, and there will be time again in the future. You have a lovely home, that you feel safe and comfortable in, and you’re paying off a mortgage that may at times feel like a noose in it’s commitment, but in fact, you’re getting ahead, paving a future for yourself and your family. It’s not easy to do that in this city, so you are in a very fortunate position.

Don’t measure your success in monetary measures. Success should be measured in happiness, and fulfilment. When you gauge your life on this scale, are you a success? There’s always room for more happiness and more fulfilment, but you’re definitely already a success. So what if you don’t quite know what you want to be when you grow up. Trust that you’re on your path and keep being creative.

It’s ok to feel sad sometimes, to have a blue day. It’s ok to feel lonely, but remember you have many friends who adore you and you only have to pick up the phone if you need to talk.
This is a big time in your life. The last two years have been the biggest of all. They have brought great joy, great learning, growth and challenges. This craziness will calm down soon and it will boil down to one  or two chapters of your life. It’s just consuming now, but there’s the whole rest of the book to be written yet. Laugh at the chaos, laugh at the dog poo on your shoes, laugh at the piles of washing because crying ain’t going to change it and laughing makes you feel better. As they say, laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you get a big, red baboon-arse face, or something like that. Don’t wish this time away, because it’s fleeting and you’ll never get it back.

Have a wonderful year, and may your hopes, dreams and aspirations all come to fruition, and be kind to yourself in the meantime.

Lots of love,

Me xxx

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  • Reply Ali Hodges July 7, 2012 at 7:15 pm

    I love you and am always available to skype beautiful! Just call whenever. I miss you and loved the times we caught up when I was there earlier this year and wish we could do it more often… Happy Birthday and u rock like a fat chick in a canoe. xxx

  • Reply Mikadie July 7, 2012 at 8:39 pm

    Count your blessings sweet lady for they are many… and the many are all the more blessed for you xx

  • Reply Krissy July 7, 2012 at 10:35 pm

    Love this …. It’s all true and even though we haven’t seen each other for yonks I feel like we have caught up again. Always here if u need xx

  • Reply Sarah July 8, 2012 at 12:26 am

    A very true letter for all of us xxx

  • Reply amerrierworld July 10, 2012 at 9:51 pm

    Are you sure you didn’t write that letter to me? Strikes a chord. And … I’ll be 38 next week, so nearly too close to be true!

  • Reply rwbalzer July 12, 2012 at 12:30 am

    I’m 61, so I know a little of that which I speak.
    We had our first child when I was 29, our daughter when I was 31…about the same separation as your two little scrubbers.
    I saw the world and still found that the best view I ever experienced was on my front porch looking in!

  • Reply Kelly July 16, 2012 at 6:51 am

    I just happened upon your blog today…and I wanted you to know how much I love this letter…it made me teary and I found myself nodding along at parts and phrases. It’s amazing how nice it is to know, as a mommy, that you’re never alone in all the things that you feel…that some other mom, some other far away stranger, sometimes feel exactly the same way that you do. It makes you feel less alone when you have a blue day…

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys July 16, 2012 at 12:53 pm

      The more I write this blog, the more I find that people connect best when I’m brutally honest. It works both ways. We all discover that although we’re unique, our feelings aren’t. It’s nice to feel that we’re not alone!
      Thanks for your beautiful comment.

    • Reply carmel October 20, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      i felt the same way after coming across this blog post through foodgawker. well written and great message….:)

  • Reply sagescenery July 21, 2012 at 6:53 am

    I love your letter to yourself…it should be standard procedure for all new Moms!! God bless you, you’re so right…especially about laughing at all the “poo” parts! My “baby” is 21 years old…it does goes as fast as they say…love every minute of it!

  • Reply Grief Happens September 1, 2012 at 1:37 pm

    I needed this today! Love it!

  • Reply faydanamyjake October 14, 2012 at 9:59 am

    Lovely.. And true, I might copy this for my next few birthdays ( 39 and 39) what?! 🙂

  • Reply Roelien February 13, 2013 at 11:49 pm

    I am reading it now for the first time. So lovely and makes me teary too. loads of thankfullness, relativity and trust! Good example for me too.
    Being thankfull and having faith is a grand key!
    Love you

  • Reply newbie March 31, 2013 at 7:13 am

    Fantastic. go momma! x

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