If you’re averse to poo stories, you should stop reading here, but let me at least say that this is a poo story that will have a happy ending.
Not all poo stories end so well, like that time in India that I thought it was safe to pass wind.
I’ve been very half-arsed about potty training D Man. I said I’d do it as soon as the weather warmed up, but summer was hot and cold and then raining, so we never really got consistent with pants off time.
We had a swazz on the potty here and there, and once there was an accidental nugget that even surprised him when he checked for a progress report.
Often, after a successful potty mission, he’d not want to go near the potty for days, almost freaked out by us throwing a part of him into the loo and flushing it away.
I’ve also noticed a shift in the way he feels about himself and his body.
My totally carefree little nudey angel has started to feel self-concious. It’s a bit sad.
It’s fair enough with the toilet business, no one has ever built a viewing platform in their toilet so ensure spectator comfort, but I’ve noticed his discomfort at other times too.
He’s become a bit shy about cruising around in the buff, especially if there are other people in the house, and he really, really REALLY doesn’t want his super-hot 20-year-old nanny to change his nappy.
No way, man.
He’s aware that nappies are not sexy.
I do not for one moment profess to be a parenting expert. In fact, I generally make it up as I go along and figure as long as I’m not intentionally creating neurosis in my soon-to-be adults, then I’m doing ok…….except it appears that perhaps I have unwittingly created a little ‘issue’ in my boy. I’ll get to that in a minute.
Now that D Man is T minus 5 days until DAYCARE, I decided I really needed to get serious about this potty business.
In the grand scheme of teaching little ones to use the throne, I think we’re about average for boys. D man is 2 and 8 months, and I know many boys that trained earlier, and I know many boys that trained later. I’m not fussed on what ‘everybody’ did because I knew that until now D Man hasn’t been totally ready, hence the minor success, then no luck for days.
Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is this – WE’RE WINNING!
I’d heard of people having success with
bribery reward charts, so I thought I’d do us up a big old D MAN’S POTTY STICKER FABULOUSNESS chart. Points for wee wee, no points for my grammar, but he don’t care.
He gets rewarded by stickers for number 1s and when the ones add up to 5, he gets a small $2 present. When he does that 4 times through, he gets a big present.
A number 2 is an instant chocolate treat……but to be honest, we haven’t quite got there yet. There seems to be some reticence in that area. I’m not stressing but I’m finding myself singing the praises of scat (not to be confused with jazz scatting) after discovering that D Man is a bit embarrassed about the aroma of his expulsions.
We may, or may not, have made light-hearted jokes about needing a gas mask to change stinky pants, and I think our sensitive little soul is now self-conscious about something his father takes great pride in.
I tried to explain that everyone is a bit smelly, and it’s natural. I said I’m smelly, Nana is smelly and Oma is smelly too…..he earnestly looked at me is asked –
I don’t think you all need a blow by blow breakdown of accidents, successes, stickers and presents, but I thought I’d write this in case anyone actually gives a shit that my little man is now, except for nights (anyone got advice on that?) out of nappies and in the cutest little jockey shorts you’ve ever seen.
Also, there is a possibility that you are training your little person and this post may revolutionise your life!
One kid down, one to go.