When I was working in nightclubs I’d often see someone who had discovered drugs late in life. They take more than everyone else, get more bent and more ugly, and dance harder, faster, freakier on the podiums and do it more regularly than the young hipsters….well, that’s me on Facebook.
I was a late comer.
I didn’t get the point of MySpace and when everyone was banging on and on about Facebook, I just wasn’t interested. I had a life, thank you, I don’t need to be a voyeur in others’.
I am but a lemming, it would appear, for when people would show me pictures and updates from people I fancied stalking whilst never having to speak to or snicker at from the safety of my chair, I realised that perhaps there was a whole network in/out there that I hadn’t tapped into.
I’m a social person, perhaps the ‘social network’ would be something I could enjoy casually?
Enjoy casually, my arse.
I’m ashamed to say I jones for it like a crack-head and I need to go to rehab….. or maybe just to Facebook Addicts Rehab Therapy Sessions, or FARTS as they’re more commonly known.
I remember the day I joined the revolution.
I did it on the sly whilst at work. To be more precise, I did it really blatantly because I’m a shocking piss-taker in the work place and within the hour I had a few friends.
Then those friends liked stuff, and then I liked stuff, and then…….I was hooked.
Gaining friends was like a popularity contest, and seeing as I’d never win one of those, it felt like a sudden surge in celebrity.
I would like people I didn’t even like, and read status updates that shat me to tears from small minded bigots until I got so cranky I wanted to repeatedly smash my head against the screen.
One person in particular I was forced to ‘unfriend’ when she was banging on about ‘the boat people’ one day. She was outraged that they received free cigarettes whilst her husband had to pay for his. They were probably only coming here for free durries.
WTF? Why, oh why, was this I reading this twaddle?????
So, I amputated a few people….it felt quite liberating. So I amputated a few more.
I’m not going to be all ‘Facebook is bad, mmmmkay’ because that would be the equivalent of of bashing a friend with a cricket bat, but what I do want to say is that I seriously, truly, need to monitor my usage because this shit is freakin’ addictive.
I doubt I’m alone when I say that my FOMO – Fear Of Missing Out – is at peak hysteria and I check my damn phone waaaaaaay more than truly necessary, to see what’s going on out there in LIFE while I’m in here living Groundhog Day.
With the invention of the iPhone I can check every damned thing all the time wherever I am. Problem is, I do. On the toilet, in the supermarket queue.
In my car. At the lights.
Invariably, I’m not missing anything but I just like to be reassured of the fact.
I’ve started to gauge my day by how much ‘like’ I get. Oh my god, today I’m, like, totally hilarious/interesting or just plain rad – obviously. I know because I got the big, blue, thumb’s up from all y’all.
Today must be a good day……and I must be cool. High five, yo.
It’s not all bad. I’ve used Facebook for good also. I’ve found some great friends, old and new, and for that I thank Facebook. It truly is a nexus and I really think that little weirdo Zuckerberg might be onto something.
What I am going to do, from this moment forward, with you as my witness, is turn my phone off for two hours a day, and NEVER look at it whilst in the car.
2 hours is not a big deal, it’s 1/12 of a day, and in that time I will be solely 100% focussed on what I’m doing. Just two hours of not splitting my focus and giving a shit about who thinks what about Beyonce’s thighs, what they had for lunch, or trout pouts in the bathroom mirror.
Yeah, good plan. I really do like that….. Just going to go Facebook it.
How’s your Facebook usage? You an addict, or on top of it?
I’d like to give a super big thank you to the fantabulous Jess at EssentiallyJess for making me February’s Blogger of the Mo……and for advocating that Holsby TV gets picked up and turned into a series!
When she contacted me I panicked because I have always thought my mo was something to be ashamed of but I think the light in this picture really highlights the subtle way it accentuates my mouth.