A Few Lessons in Patience, Grasshopper

Patience is one of those virtues that many people aren’t born with.

I wasn’t born with it. No, siree, Bob.

I’ve been known to lose my shit in all manner of places due to a distinct lack of willingness to endure. I used to be incensed by tardiness. A friend running late was enough to make me lose my cool, but now I almost expect people to be a little late, and people cancel last minute all the time when they have kids.

Thankfully, there are many opportunities in life that force allow you to train yourself to have a greater level of patience.

1. Parenting

If you don’t learn to overcome your impatience and quick temper, your head will implode and you are in danger of becoming an alcoholic. Children will make you late, make you tired and make your house messy. Watching a baby learn to feed themselves requires the utmost patience as you watch food going up their nose, all over the floor and in their hair.
You can almost guarantee they won’t do that at 15, so be patient.

2. The Post Office at Christmas

The post office brings out the S.L.O.W. in people. Everyone fumbles for their change, takes inordinate amounts of time to write things and chat to the cashiers about the weather. I hate the festive post office so much I always swear I’m going to send my cards in July… I never do, of course.
I tend to send none at all and say they got lost in the mail. Win.

Did I say I cut them? I used the term ‘I’ very loosely……

3. The female toilet queue at a music festival 

There is nothing more disheartening than waiting until the last second to leave your favorite band to hit the Port-a-loo, and finding yourself at the end of a line of ladies jiggling from foot to foot. It’s amazing how you can hold it until just as you’re about to assume the ski-hover, 5 cms from the fetid toilet seat, and then you almost pee yourself as you undo your top button.

4. Listening to your Grandfather’s stories…..again.

I don’t know about your Grandfather, and after a recent little health hiccup, I’m pleased ol’ Fred is still around to be infuriating, but he tells the same stories over and over. I try not to cut him off or fill in the blanks but it’s not easy.
I was so thrilled recently when my child flat out refused I pull his finger.
He is smarter than I was at that age.

5. Growing Your Own Vegetables

From little things, big veges grow, but it doesn’t happen over night. Some things are sweeter and more delectable eaten as babies (think peas, beets and carrots, and lambs) but others need to time to ripen and mature into something that can grace your plate. Daily tending, with water and kind words can be a chore at times, but with perseverance and patience you too can eat a caterpillar nibbled, oddly genital shaped, organic vegetable.

6. Rendering video

Anyone in the business of movie making will know what I mean. Watching that little blue bar slowly creeping across the screen is maddening if you’re in a rush. A deep breath and a cup of tea may not speed it up, but it will relax you. Or have a whiskey. Or a wank.

7. Waiting for your husband to do the thing he said he’d do later

If I ask him again, it’ll be nagging. Only ask every 6 months so you cannot be accused.
After a year, pay someone else to do it.

8. The person in front at the checkout requiring a price check

This only ever happens when you’re in a rush or your kid is having a Force 10 meltdown. Annoyance is only momentarily alleviated if the product requiring said price check is of a personal nature, like KY or profillactucs  prophylactics frangers.

9. City traffic

Suckballs. ‘Nuff said.

10. Brining your own olives

I’ve never done it before, and it’s certainly not hard. After gently slicing them all, I popped them in water which we lovingly change every day for 4 weeks. After the four weeks is up, I’ll put them in brine which we change every couple of days. After about 6 weeks in total, they’ll be ready to marinate in some olive oil with lemon and chili and garlic, if we so desire. Not hard, but requires great patience, Grasshopper.

Stay tuned for Olive Brining, Part 2.

Hooking up with Our Growing Edge for the monthly link up. Come and flash your culinary adventures with us…..only 4 days until this month is closed, but next month there will be another opportunity to tend your growing edge.

Check out deets here.

EssentiallyJess is my homegirl, so pop over and see what shaking at ibotville…..