I started working in restaurants and bars in and around Sydney’s infamous Kings Cross area when I was about 17 1/2.
Being a curious sort of gal, I had pretty much seen everything there was to see by the time I was 19.
I’d been in sex shops, strip joints, and BDSM clubs, and I thought I was pretty much all over the sex game.
I didn’t have a particular interest in smut or bondage but I was super curious about people who did.
As I said, at the conclusion of my chat with Isiah from Passionate Spirit she offered me a media pass to Sexpo. I jumped at the chance. I thought it would be interesting blog fodder because I need more to write about than my kids and the washing. I used to be so much more interesting. I thought Sexpo might be a leg up, if you will, to an interesting post or two.
If you haven’t quite joined the dots, allow me. Sexpo is an expo, for sex.
That’s kinda interesting.
I wasn’t interested in seeing market stalls of sex toys, I mean, seen one double headed dildo, seen them all, right?
I was interested in seeing who would be there. I knew the Sydney Conference Centre was massive, so it couldn’t all just be vibrators….. and besides, I was told it was ladies night and there would be a free showbag in the deal.
Isiah was keen to interview people, and thanks to her, I met some fascinating people and asked some questions that I would normally not have had the chance to, and I can safely say I saw things I’d never seen before.
One of the first things I saw, once my eyes had acclimatised to the flourescent lights, buzzing toys and silicone vaginas, was a man wearing nothing but a spray tan and a pink top hat painting portraits with his penis.
I have no idea at what stage in his life he decided finger painting was for chumps and decided to use his chub, but the question I was burning to ask was –
Doesn’t it get chaffed????
I hadn’t yet had a champers so I didn’t ask the question, but I did look him up, seeing as his url was tattooed on his back.
He’s travelled the world with his talented knob, painting portraits for Hugh Heffner and the Queen. Heff recieved his graciously at the Playboy Mansion, but somehow I don’t think Lizzie and Pricasso shared a cup of char at Buckingham Palace.
The answer to my question was yes. It does get chaffed, so his l’il fella needs lots of down time.
Continuing down the avenues of smut we came across a sandwich board selling Designa Vaginas for the bargain price of $5000, give or take a buck. I’m guessing Louis Vuitton was not designing these purses.
Labiaplasty is the third highest cosmetic procedure these days. CRaZy!!
I’ve never really thought in depth about my labia, but apparently there is a large proportion of women who are deeply unhappy with the appearance of their vagina, to the point of not being able to relax sexually. I discovered that the porn industry has a lot to answer in this area because that’s our gauge on ‘attractive’ lady bits. We don’t often see other vajayjays to compare our own to, so we think it’s supposed to look like they do in porn. Nice, tidy, even lips.
If porn shows a fleshy inner labia, they are actually bumped up to a higher classification, therefore they will often airbrush or use only girls with small labia or augmented bits.
Obviously, if you are experiencing chaffing, discomfort or some other physical problem it’s worth investigating but I doubt many guys with funny-old lopsided, wrinkly testicles think they need to go under the knife to be sexually attractive.
This surgeon also performs ‘G Spot Enhancement’ by injecting a filler (same as for your lips) to make the G-spot more pronounced, therefore picking up more friction whilst rubbing uglies. A quick and easy procedure that you can bang out in your lunch break, and still have time to fit in some sushi.
We argued that education would be a better route as the G-spot is still shrouded in mystery, with many people not knowing how to find it or drive it.
The surgeon tried to look surprised at this suggestion, but he’d had too much Botox done and just looked blank.
Then I met the beautiful, if quiet, Hirushi. Hirushi is a stunning Asian girl with long dark hair and pert bosoms. Unless you want her to bosoms to be otherwise.
Hirushi, along with her silicone sisters, is a life size doll.
Did you ever see the beautiful, quirky Ryan Gosling film Lars and the Real Girl? I loved that movie but that’s my only experience with a real, unreal girl until I got up close and personal with the stunning Hirushi.
For the mere price of $7000 you can have a Fantasy Doll created to your exact specifications. What colour nipples and what size vagina would you like?
I wonder if they offer McSuper Sizing here?
I asked what kind of person would spend such an exorbitant amount (cheaper than a wedding, just quietly) of money on a doll?
All kinds of people apparently.
Perhaps after 30 years of marriage a man discovers a penchant for young hot women (he just discovered that???), and it’s less dangerous than an affair and cheaper than a divorce.
One client had discovered he had three months left to live so he wanted to spend his final weeks with a gorgeous companion.
Hmmmmmm, gorgeous, yes. Companion? She’s a little on the reserved side.
I’ll admit that there may have been moments in my marriage that I wished my husband was mute, but I’m generally thankful for a pulse, and when he lets me stick my freezing cold winter feet on his legs in bed, he’ll warm them up. Fantasy Dolls are decidedly chilly. Particularly at a dinner party.
If you don’t wish to pay for a whole silicone girl, I also found you could buy just a part of one. No prizes for guessing which part. Upon investigation it actually did feel very life-like (enquiring minds need to know), but I imagine as far as companions go, it’s not much less awkward at a dinner party… still with the amount of prosthetic phallus’ out there, you can hardly blame the dudes for having an option that ain’t attached to their arms.
There was one more person I was actually awed by, Kim, the submissive. We talked about her relationship with her Master, and what she thought of 50 Shades of Grey. I don’t think I could fit everything I thought when I talked to Kim into this blog so I think she’ll get one of her own. Stay tuned for more tales of Sexpo….
Lucky I didn’t go to the Easter Show or I’d be writing about farm animals, hey?