Health and Wellbeing

You’re not Wonder Woman, and that’s ok.

April 19, 2013

Wonder Woman bakes bread too

I had a little meltdown this week. It wasn’t really a private affair.

In fact, it was a little bit public.

Not public like pulled-my-undies-up-over-my head-and-wailed-in-a-supermarket type public, but public enough that a few of my friends rallied and came to my aid as they could sense that my frantic waving may actually be me drowning.

Public enough that some of those friends saw my tears because I felt squashed by the enormity of this playing grown-ups malarky.

After chatting and crying and laughing and drinking lots of tea, I feel like I’m back on top, but I’m left with a residual embarrassment that my friends now may not see me as a croissant baking (yes, I will milk it) super homemaker, juggling children, writing and chainsaws, all without breaking a sweat.

Now the truth is out there.

I am not Wonder Woman.

I would totally have a crack at wearing her outfit, but I would be nothing more than a pouchy-bellied, hairy-legged, mortal wearing a costume.

Why does this shame me?

It makes me wonder about women in general, I mean, what is up with us chicks, and dudes?
Dudes aren’t immune to this overwhelming sensation of being swallowed, surely.

The exhausting newborn phase, the frustrating toddler phase, the mind-bending child rearing business/juggling act while you work, keep the house, tend the garden, have nutritious dinners on the table not just once, but 7 times a week, and keep your sanity in check, day in and day out, is a damned hard slog and no one escapes without feeling like it’s all too hard sometimes.

I must once more applaud the solidarity of the sisterhood (sorry, lads. It’s not an exclusive club per se).
I cried out and my girls were there by my side.

On one sunny morning, on my back deck, 4 of my girls and I drank tea and talked about where we’re all at and suddenly I realised that this shit of mine is not unique.

I am not a rare species, so unusual that no one can perceive my plight.

I am not alone.

My friends were saying their relationships aren’t perfect and their children aren’t perfect. Other people’s lives aren’t as amazing as they may seem on the outside. One friend said she used to hear her neighbour yelling at her kids and wonder how you could speak to your darlings like that…. and now she feel like she has become that lady.

I sometimes feel like that lady.

I am not Wonder Woman.

Do you ever feel like that lady?

Probably, because you are not Wonder Woman either.

I mentioned on my FB page that I felt like I was not coping very well last week, and my online community poured love onto my page. How awesome is that?
Some people I’ve physically met, but others don’t know me in person, but they were there with advice and love.

Some great words of wisdom came from that. I want to share a few, you know, in case you ever feel like going for a long walk off a short pier –

If you start to feel like it’s all too hard, call a friend, and go for a cup of tea.

Take a walk in the sun, or dance to some music that you love.

Honour your feelings. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, but be kind to yourself.

Nurture yourself.

Slow down and breathe.

Have a date night.

My personal favourite was have a whiskey. Whiskey always helps.

I just really want to impress upon you, if you’re feeling blue, you’re not alone.

Tell someone you’re struggling because there is no shame in not being Wonder Woman, and sharing the struggle brings forth wonderful women…. and wonderful men.


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  • Reply Krissymaree April 19, 2013 at 7:09 am

    Hope your feeling better this week. We have all been there, you are definitely not alone in this. Xxx

    Sent from my iPhone

  • Reply coloursofsunset April 19, 2013 at 7:24 am

    I wish I knew why we felt like we had to be able to have it all/do it all/be it all to everyone else but ourselves. Like we are lesser a woman if we can’t cope. I’ll admit to putting on a brave face for some friends, who I feel *ARE* wonder woman, but perhaps they’re doing the same thing. There is nothing more awesome than having women you can be honest with, show the cracks to, and they stay by your side and lift you up and out of the hole you’ve tripped in to. I don’t think anyone expects us to be wonder woman, and really to our kids, we already are! (at least until they’re teens?!) xo

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 19, 2013 at 7:41 am

      Beautifully said. Thank you.

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 19/04/2013, at 7:24 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply Kim-Marie from Kimba Likes April 19, 2013 at 7:49 am

    One of the strongest and bravest things anyone can do is to admit you need help xxx

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 19, 2013 at 8:47 am

      It’s the first of the 12 steps. I reckon Control Freak is an addiction too!!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 19/04/2013, at 7:49 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply Kevin April 19, 2013 at 7:52 am

    “Dudes aren’t immune to this overwhelming sensation of being swallowed, surely” no – we’re not. I think by nature we just tend to keep on keeping on, dealing with the stress in other (not necessarily positive) ways.

    Well done on reaching out

  • Reply Kim April 19, 2013 at 8:06 am

    SHUT up I AM wonder woman. I wear my undies on the outside. My kids remind me to put pants on. Truly, though, I love this post because I’m in the thick of the shitpoo right now. Reaching out for help is so hard. I don’t know why. AWESOME on you for asking, and admitting, and telling us. Right now I can’t because I’m keeping on like a crazed beast, but if I stop to think I will be a big apple crumble. As soon as someone steps in to take some responsibility, I’m gonna be ALL about the scotch. x

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 19, 2013 at 8:24 am

      To be honest, I didn’t actually reach out as such. More like fell lost my shit when someone was watching then the cat was out of the bag. The sentiment is the same though. Make sure those outside undies are your nice ones!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 19/04/2013, at 8:06 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply BOYEATSWORLD April 19, 2013 at 8:26 am

    You may not be Wonder Woman but you’re still pretty wonderful! Glad you are feeling back on top! 🙂

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 19, 2013 at 8:45 am

      Shucks. Takes one to know one, sweets xxx

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 19/04/2013, at 8:26 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply Life with Little T April 19, 2013 at 8:33 am

    This was such an encouraging post.
    Thank you =)

  • Reply JBailey April 19, 2013 at 10:05 am

    Thank you so much for writing this. You are not alone! Departing friends, a more than challenging toddler, short nights (thank you daylight saving), and negotiating a new job has seen me not hold it together quite as well as I’d like (to put it mildly…) recently. Great friends, taking a step back and taking stock of all the wonderful things you do have in life, doing something completely new and outside my comfort zone which was sh*t-your-pants scary but such fun (driving extremely fast round a race-track), and two ridiculously early nights on the trot was what got me back on track.

  • Reply ornerydame April 19, 2013 at 12:25 pm

    I think every mom out there should read this post. We have all been there at one point or another, or we will be soon enough. So glad you had friends you can count on and hope you are feeling much better!

  • Reply Danya Banya April 19, 2013 at 12:41 pm

    It’s amazing how, when you own up to your own imperfectness, other people own up to theirs too, and then all of a sudden there’s a lovely non-judgemental community love in going on. We’re all trying our best, and we’re all failing to meet our own too-high expectations. And some weeks are harder than others. And you know what, that’s ok. We, faults and all, are enough. 🙂

  • Reply keladelaide April 19, 2013 at 1:10 pm

    I was there yesterday too. Is there something in the water? I’m glad you have come out the other side with your undies intact. I have too. 🙂

  • Reply Collett Smart April 19, 2013 at 1:13 pm

    No – you are not alone 😉 – Love it.

  • Reply One of My Own April 19, 2013 at 1:20 pm

    It is so true! Before I was a mum I only saw the “masks” that other mums wear and I was sure I knew what motherhood was like. Did I get a shock! I discovered that I was not Supermum, or rather I discovered that I needed a new definition of Supermum, and it make for a few good blog entries.
    Thanks for helping me feel “it’s not just me”

  • Reply Rachel April 19, 2013 at 3:42 pm

    I’m really glad to hear that you’re feeling much better – some weeks are just arse aren’t they?

    Can I say how much I admire you for “coming out’ on this subject? I too struggle with trying to do an be ALL THE THINGS but recently I’ve realised that I have to ease the fuck up on myself or it’s going to start impacting my health.

    Not to mention that getting all wound up and trying to be superwoman means that everyone else in my house has to wear it. That’s when I become “that lady”. Although in all honesty there is always a base level amount of shouting in our house. I’ve come to the conclusion that we are just a noisy family – melodramatic, passionate and shouty that’s us!

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 20, 2013 at 8:47 am

      It’s been impacting my health, toots. There’s only so much in the bank, you know?
      Take care.

      PS noisy families are the best ones!

  • Reply Francesca WritesHere (@FrancescaBlogs) April 19, 2013 at 8:11 pm

    So true, we all need to cut ourselves some slack sometimes. Hope you’re feeling better this week 🙂

  • Reply mumabulous April 19, 2013 at 9:10 pm

    I think you’ve tapped straight into my brain with this post (fortunately you’ve bypassed the area devoted to Fass). At the moment I’m juggling the girls, part time work, a generously proportioned house, Dadabulous and the blog. I don’t feel like I’m on top of any of it. Looks like I’ll have to take a number and join the club. Love to you. Hope your spirit lifts over the weekend.

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 19, 2013 at 9:46 pm

      And love back to you. You may not be wonder woman, but you’re awesome none the less. Take care of you. You’re the most important person in your house. You’re the hub. Xxx

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 19/04/2013, at 9:10 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply Craig Hadden - Remote Possibilities April 21, 2013 at 10:07 am

    If you ever need a physiologically-based confidence boost, check out this video by a Harvard researcher, which starts complete with Wonder Woman music.

    (Got to be better than whiskey – far less risky!)

    I used the tips myself before doing a talk in front of several hundred people, and they worked a treat for me:

  • Reply Have a laugh on me April 21, 2013 at 11:00 am

    I’m the first person to admit when I’m not coping, which is pretty much every day, just at different degrees. This week with 20 hours of work, 3 kids who were driving me bat shit and a husband who was away for 12 hours a day for 6 days. Talk about going insane. But I feel for you having a melt down but sometimes it’s a good thing because we can find ways of coping. You ALWAYS make me smile, I wish I could meet you IRL because you are super funny and that’s my way of coping, trying to laugh at myself. Hang in there sista, and like Dory says, ‘just keep swimming’ (and drinking whiskey) xx Em

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 21, 2013 at 1:43 pm

      IRL? Sweet baby Jesus, can you imagine how much wine we’d drink?

      You rock. Thanks for your beautiful words xxx

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 21/04/2013, at 11:00 AM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

  • Reply [email protected] Mama April 21, 2013 at 12:37 pm

    I am always reluctant to admit I’m not coping and end up having a hardcore meltdown. I had one last night. I can’t even put my finger on exactly what is wrong, just a sense of being rundown, pulled every which way, dealing with constant low level household conflict blah blah. It does help to have a natter with your girlfriends about it. I am due a night out I think.

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 22, 2013 at 8:50 pm

      Oh my god, you are so in need of a night out… And a massage, Mama!!
      Sometimes I think you just need to release some pressure from the pipes, and let out some steam.
      It’s a mega job, and the pressure just builds up!

  • Reply Zanni Arnot April 21, 2013 at 7:45 pm

    It’s the truth Danielle. Sorry you had such a tough week, but so glad you had a circle of friends to pick you up, and come and drink tea with you. I am surrounded by such amazing support too, and I don’t think these parenting years would be what they are without it. I long ago accepted that I am not wonder woman, and yet, I am still amazed by how much stuff I am trying to get done in a day. Got to make it all slow down. xx

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 21, 2013 at 8:44 pm

      You don’t fit it into a day, Z, you fit it into nap time and after bedtime, when normal people relax!!! I heard someone say, if you want many impossible things done quickly, ask a mum to do it!

      Sent from my iPhone

      On 21/04/2013, at 7:45 PM, Keeping Up With The Holsbys

      • Reply Zanni Arnot April 21, 2013 at 10:10 pm

        Yep, that quote sums it up! But if you have children like mine, they don’t really nap during the day, in which case you do it with them attached to you, standing on one leg. Because that’s the kind of super hero I am 🙂

  • Reply Salee Reese April 23, 2013 at 5:41 am

    You’re terrific … glad I met you!

  • Reply Vanessa Beattie (@BabblingBandit) April 23, 2013 at 5:39 pm

    Not coping is my thing. Honestly, I’m amazed when I get to the end of a day and both my son and I are still alive.

    OK, so it isn’t that bad, but I totally know how you feel, and I’ve only got one kid (two on Mondays and Tuesdays).

    Hope you’re feeling better this week.


  • Reply April 25, 2013 at 3:19 am

    I know the feeling. Have suffered guilt for the longest time for not being able to do it all. I’m glad to say I’m finally out of it, thanks to some inspiring friends who don’t keep perfect houses and have missed some PTA meetings:)
    Blogged about it here

  • Reply GENIE November 7, 2014 at 7:41 am

    Be gentle on yourself. I honestly don’t know how you do it.

    Some days I feel like I’m on a sinking ship. It happens.

  • Reply Vani November 7, 2014 at 1:29 pm

    Nice article to read and relate to. Sometimes we feel it’s too much to ask our friends for help. Not because I would look like a loser, but just don’t want to trouble them with my worries. In the contrary I know that I am available for my friends anytime no matter how busy is my own life. But then I need to let myself ask for help so they would feel the same way to approach me.

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