I was hanging the washing out this morning and my mind wandered to the sex scene I saw in Boardwalk Empire, Season 1, last night.
It was the one with Nucky’s crazy-arsed, sex-kitten girlfriend and the self-flagelating FBI agent.
Anyway, if you’re not into The Empire, which you totally should be, I’ll recap it for you. The hot young starlet was all boobs in the air with a little cowboy action on top of the freaky muppet-faced agent, and there was a full frontal of her rather hirsute lady bits.
I was thinking that with the rise of serieses (should be a word) set in precise eras at the moment (think Boardwalk Empire, MadMen, Game of Thrones….haven’t seen Downton Abbey, is there sex in that? I imagine it would all be rather proper sex if it was) that an overtly groomed minge would not fit the characters.
I imagine that most every starlet in Hollywood is fairly hairless these days, so do you think it would be a part of their audition process to discuss whether they could grow a cracking bush befitting the era, or are the production companies simply bringing on board merkin specialists to counteract the landing strip look?
Most of Boardwalk Empire’s frontal-nudity scenes needed to involve merkins “to keep it real,” since “nobody really has hair anymore,” said the show’s makeup director, according to this article I found on the subject.
I also found that Hollywood is required to use merkins to keep their classification ratings down. Real pubes are out, but stunt pubes are totes kosher. If we go by that, then every single celluloid bush we see is actually a merkin.
Then my mind wandered to the actual acquisition of a merkin.
Does one purchase a pube-wig off the shelf, or is it a made-to-order thing?
If the pret-a-porter groin rug is anything like the cheapo wigs you buy at a shopping centre, they ain’t gonna fool no minge-afficionado.
Pubic afros come in many different shapes and sizes so it couldn’t possibly be a one merkin fits all scenario.
Obviously, merkins were first introduced in the 1400’s to hide all manner of genital nastiness in prostitutes, the least of which being shaving due to lice, the worst of which being marks left by STI’s such as syphilis. Mmmmmm, nice.
I imagine there was a bit of a quiet period in the evolution of the merkin until recently when de riguer of the hair-down-there has been upped to a range between the vertical Hitler moustache to the Telly Savalas special.
I’ve already blogged about my thoughts on IPL laser removal of pubic hair here, and one of the main issues I have with it is that when our daughters reach puberty, we’ll be telling them that their new hair growth is perfectly normal, yet we’re bald as badgers.
I wondered then if it would become the norm to sport a merkin in the coming years by way of making our pubescent girls feel that they are indeed normal?
Anyway, I daydreamed about muffs for so long that I barely noticed that I’d hung my 5 tonnes of washing.
Who’da thunk it?
What do you daydream about at the washing line? Can’t be weirder than that.
Hooking up with the tuesday blogging gang at IBOT with EssentiallyJess.