They’re funny, and smart, and they have similar values to me. All the qualities I look for in a friend.
We don’t actually know each other, not really, but when I saw the little friend request icon on the left hand corner of my page I felt like the first girl picked for the basketball team. I felt a little bit popular.
Conversely, when someone unfriends me, it can be quite deflating, and leave me wondering what I did wrong.
I’ve been unfriended a few times. I rub people the wrong way sometimes, you know, being big mouth and all.
The friends figure rises and falls, and it’s often hard to pinpoint who’s disappeared from your scope. The one time someone I actually cared about unfriended me, I thought it was a pretty loud way to make her statement. We had had an altercation, and now she didn’t want social contact with me anymore.
She didn’t care how witty or quippy I may be.
I was dumped.
Recently, someone in my outer circle said a couple of things, a couple of times, that really got under my skin and in anger I clicked the unfriend button hovering beside her name.
I thought we’d disappear from each others news feeds and that would be it… except she called me on it. She had no idea that I’d been offended so imagined I’d had accidental ham fingers or some such.
I explained the situation, and her feelings were hurt, and I felt terrible. I hate upsetting people.
Did I overreact? Maybe, but at the time I felt justified. I had been hurt by careless words.
Then I realised how incredibly highschool this whole Facebook ‘like’ process is.
There was a time where I collected FB friends like bottle tops. The more the better. I didn’t care how random, how obscure, how remote the connection, I wanted to be connected. I became a voyeur of the highest order and I spent (SPEND) hours peeping in the windows of people’s lives. Not people I actually wish to talk to.
Not their real lives either, of course, just the representations of themselves. Their branding. Their shopfronts.You can sell yourself and your life however you want. We’ve all become spectacular at one liners.
Well…… not all.
I heard someone say recently that unfriending was akin to cyber bullying, but it made me think how sad it was that we see Facebook as our be all and end all to connection.
I started to think that if I didn’t want to actually speak to someone, like EVER, than perhaps collecting them as a specimen was a strange, time wasting, pastime. I could spend the five minutes wasted trawling their history by talking to someone I do wish to connect with. Someone who gives something back. Someone who fills my energy pots instead of sucks them.
I had a mega friend cull in the wake of this. I ditched over 100 people from my friend list. Some of whom, whenever they popped into my feed, annoyed me anyway.
In truth, I could probably cull 100 more.
People I met once on a night out. People from school that I wasn’t even friends with at the time, and still now we have no common interests. A friend of a friend that one time I nearly…..you get the picture.
I am addicted and appalled by Facebook in equal measures, and I feel like a disloyal lover even saying it, but perhaps now we use the term FRIEND so loosely that we forgotten the true value of a good one?
I took a batch of biscuits to the park today to catch up with someone I don’t see enough. As our kids played happily in the sun, laughing and getting dirty with each other, we talked about our lives. We discussed the truths of our lives, and not just skimmed the window dressing of our shopfronts.
That connection filled my proverbial cup, and I thought once more about friendship, and where we place our precious energy.
Call your friends. If you don’t wish to commit to a chat because talking with kids around is a freakin’ nightmare, text them. Tell them what they mean to you and help fill their energetic cup, because life empties our cups over and over and it can be hard to stay half full, instead of half empty.
This is it. This is the perfect combo. Not too sweet, yet delicious and still in the good for you spectrum.
Spiced Sultana Cookies
Yield : about 24 good sized biscuits
What you will need :
- 1 cup rolled oats
- ½ cup puffed brown rice
- 1 cup sultanas
- ½ cup chopped dates
- 1¼ cup self raising flour
- ¼ cup brown sugar
- 2 tablespoons rice syrup or honey
- 2 small eggs, lightly beaten
- 130 g unsalted butter, melted
- 1 teaspoon raw sugar (for sprinkling)
- 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon (for sprinkling)
What you need to do :
Preheat oven to 180C
Chuck all your dry ingredients, except the teaspoon of raw sugar and cinnamon, into a bowl and stir to combine.
Make a well in the middle and add wet ingredients and mix well.
Spoon tablespoon fulls onto baking paper on a tray. Press gently with a fork so they don’t look like rock cakes.
Combine your teaspoon of sugar and cinnamon, and lightly sprinkle each cookie with a little of the mix.
Bake for 10-15 minutes until lightly golden. Cool and nibble with friends.