Health and Wellbeing, Sponsored

Do you speak your partner’s love language?

October 10, 2013

** This is a sponsored post. All opinions and ideas are my own, except the Love Languages bit, which is most of it.

That idea is from someone who is much more emotionally evolved than I am **


The differences between men and women are a piece of cake to understand, right?

I mean, once you wrap your head around the Mars and Venus part.

Let’s not get started on same sex relationships; Suffice to say that things don’t get any less complicated when your partner is the same gender, but for the sake of this post, I’ll just stick to what I know best.

Men like to feel appreciated, and women like to feel special. Women like presents and men like affection.

Or is it the other way around?

Women like affection and men like… what do men like??

Of course, the way we feel loved is a very individual thing, so too is the way we show it, but what would happen if our partners weren’t picking up our love signals and they missed us communicating our devotion?

We can probably guess, right?

Eventual messy messiness.

According to Dr Gary Chapman everyone expresses love, and needs love expressed, in one of five ways. If your communication method is not the same as your partners, it’s possible that you’re missing each other’s love signals and therefore emptying your emotional love tanks… or as I like to call it, the Bank Account of Lurve.

One cannot only withdraw from the Bank of Lurve. One must make deposits to prevent the account from depleting.

Apparently, the secret to this is endeavouring to understand the five love languages and then ensuring you’re both fluent in each other’s tongue.

Basically, it breaks down to this (although we are all complicated and multi-faceted creatures, everyone has one language that speaks stronger to them) –

Words of affirmation


Do you or your partner thrive on sweet words? I think if you are mindful, it is quite easy to do this one. Gentle, loving encouragement and compliments take only seconds to give, and if they equal full love banks then they should be given regularly.
Speaking of appreciation and dropping compliments is not everyone’s style, however, and some struggle to do it.

I reckon this one is a bit like mastering an art. Maybe a bit hard at first, but with some practice you can be a silver-tongued devil in no time, and reaping the rewards of a partner with an overflowing lurve account.

I think this one is my husband. My smart, handsome, funny, great dancing, generous husband. Further research – online 5 Languages Test – shows that this is also mine.

Do we both instinctively shower each other with sweet words?

Of course not.

Quality time

Warning : This one requires the smart phone to be put on silent and placed in another room.

All some partners need is your full and concentrated attention. It is about doing stuff together, maybe sharing a meal, or doing an activity that you both love, but it is mostly about undivided attention. No TV on in the background, no phones, just quality conversation and connection.

I would imagine that every single relationship would benefit from this, but if this is a love language in your household, not creating the time and space for your partner could prove fatal (for the relationship, I don’t mean…. well, you know.)

Receiving gifts

5 love languages - gifts

I challenge you to find someone who doesn’t love a present, or as Doc Gary likes to call it ‘visual symbols of love’.

Some spouses feel most loved when they receive a token of your affection. They needn’t be extravagant, or expensive, just a symbol to show that you’re thinking of them when they are not there.

With the advent of  online shopping and online florists you can have even have gifts delivered to your spouse’s doorstep without putting pants on and leaving the house – Winning!!!

These gifts need not be every day, but if your spouse responds to the language of receiving, they will feel most secure and fulfilled when you’re handing over the goods.

Acts of service

5 love languages housework

This is one I’ve thought about a lot.

Helping your spouse out by doing something for them is an act of service. Some spouses get their love tanks filled by you simply helping a lover out. When you share their load, they see it as an undeniable expression of love. If you’re doing this already, and this is the correct love language then you’re on a winner, but don’t expect miracles because you took the garbage out because it’s not actually that simple. Not all acts are created equal!!

You need to work out exactly which acts of service tick your spouse’s boxes to ensure you’re doing it right. I may suggest to my spouse that we try this one out thoroughly to see if it floats my boat. Even if it’s not my primary language, I’d be in a better mood.

Physical touch

affection - 5 love languages

We’re not talking about the wild thing here, we’re talking about affection and touch. Love making is definitely a factor in this, but there are a million other ways to touch a physical touch lovin’ spouse that will help them feel the lurve.

If you have a partner that simply craves a cuddle but is left hanging, over time this can become a deal breaker. A caress on the face, or the back of the neck, holding hands whilst watching tv… also, canoodling is fun, just quietly.

Are the 5 Love Languages the secret to love that lasts as the book would suggest? Is Dr Chapman handing us the secrets to nuptial nirvana on a silver tongued platter?

I have no idea, but understanding your partner’s love language may certainly be a tool in your tool kit, and a well stocked tool kit is a welcome thing. I’m open to considering anything that may help lay the course through the marriage maze.

Which love language do you think is yours?

If you liked this post be sure to like my Facebook page or follow my twit twaddle @theholsbys to ensure you can always keep up with the Holsbys.


Flogging my blog on Friday over with my fellow floggers at With Some Grace.

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  • Reply sagescenery October 10, 2013 at 8:12 am

    Great post! I read Men Are From Mars…and also Dr. Chapman’s book…love them both!! We went to one of Dr. Chapman’s Love Language seminars years ago…we loved it! it certainly worked for awhile…so thanks for the reminder!!

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys October 10, 2013 at 8:15 am

      How interesting! Do you both have the same language or totally different?

      Sent from my iPhone


      • Reply sagescenery October 10, 2013 at 8:58 pm

        He’s “Acts of Service” and I’m “Words of Affirmation”

        We tend to stomp on each other’s toes too much!!

        • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys October 10, 2013 at 9:36 pm

          Yeah, I know all about stomping, I stomp badly.

          Sent from my iPhone


          • sagescenery October 11, 2013 at 12:07 pm

            When I’m tired I don’t play nice!!

          • Keeping Up With The Holsbys October 11, 2013 at 12:18 pm

            Apparently the tiredness only lasts about 15 years.

            Sent from my iPhone


          • sagescenery October 12, 2013 at 10:24 pm

            Well, we’ve been married 36 years, so far longer for us!! Ha! I know folks who were married 60 years…I ask my husband…”Can we make it that long???” But, God says, “Yes!!!!” So I pray a lot!!! Amen!

  • Reply Joanna October 10, 2013 at 12:32 pm

    I read this book before I got married and loved it so much I have given it as a wedding present. It’s brilliant.

  • Reply ksbeth October 10, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    quality time is my thing, and i love to give gifts to show my love, even better than receiving them –

  • Reply gabbie20132013 October 10, 2013 at 4:20 pm

    Reblogged this on Gabbie Blog.

  • Reply Kim October 11, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Great post mate. We’ve spent many years speaking Chinese to each other. Neither of us speak Chinese. I couldn’t work out his love language, mainly because he doesn’t know!! But mine is definitely words of affirmation and affection. Making school lunches is, however, pretty damn sexy when it happens….

  • Reply Leanne Winter October 11, 2013 at 12:12 pm

    I think it’s all about small kindnesses each day, offering to make a cup of coffee, doing something to help them out without being asked, showing appreciation for what they do and listening to what they have to say.

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys October 11, 2013 at 12:20 pm

      You’re right, of course… But if you’re tired and cranky it ain’t easy!! Also, needs to be both ways, no?

      Sent from my iPhone


  • Reply EssentiallyJess October 11, 2013 at 3:37 pm

    Yep love this book. It’s fantastic too to use with the kids as they get older. It can be easy to miss their love cues.
    Boatman and I are polar opposites, so we have to work hard to fill each others tanks, but I think that makes it even more special somehow.

  • Reply Sydney, Kids, Food + Travel October 14, 2013 at 8:49 am

    I’m all verbal but my husband totally is Mr Quiet… must read that book!

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