I didn’t know the mum of three that well so when she shared her shocking tale with me a little part of me wondered why on Earth she was divulging to me.
You see, she’d been having an online affair.
After a random person contacted her on Facebook, she struck up a little cyber dalliance – shall we say. Initially it was fairly harmless.
A little messaging here, a little flirting there… but after a few months of her telling this person of her marriage and health troubles it deepened into something a little more serious.
This person, who had been married many years (although anyone is susceptible I imagine) had been dissatisfied with her relationship for some time. She knew what she was doing wasn’t right, however, it was exciting and it made her feel incredibly sexy and desirable.
When he asked for pictures of her in lingerie, she donned her prettiest, and sent them with the click of the send button via email.
It was exhilerating.
She was falling for this guy. This German man living in Malaysia.
He was working in Asia as an engineer on a very big job, but when his passport and credit card got stolen he was in a bind for cash. She didn’t think twice about secreting away some of the family savings and wiring it to him.
When she was away from home on business they skyped for hours although his camera was playing up. When he requested she masturbate for him via the camera in her computer the idea was so exciting and titillating that she did.
And it was amazing.
The following week his money still wasn’t sorted and he needed to pay his employees, so she sent him some more money.
After the third cash injection she delivered the money totalled over $5000.
She didn’t care. He was amazing. He gave her everything that was lacking in her relationship.
He showered her with praise and sweet words.
He made her feel sexy.
You probably have an idea where this is going, because to the observer it’s freaking obvious, right?
After a big sordid show down that’s way too complicated to go into, she realised this Lothario was a con man, and she refused to give him any more time or money.
She was heart broken because she thought he loved her and she felt like a fool.
He said he had filmed her wanking, and he was going to release it on the web if she didn’t give him $20,000. He also threatened to email the photos to her husband. As everything was done via Facebook he knew everything about her.
That’s about when she called me.
This particular instance is obviously quite extreme but I really think that cyber flirting is something worth discussing. At what point does this story cross the line?
Flirting is part of human nature. When it’s done well it’s nice and it makes the flirtee and the flirter feel great.
Flirting is harmless.
Cyber flirting is another matter. Flirting with intention is a whole other blog!
Behind the safety of your computer, you may feel as thought you can be more open than you normally would. You may divulge more than you should.
You may end up in trouble.
As for when it crosses the line from harmless flirtation into cheating, you really need to use your moral compass. I think a fairly basic rule of thumb to go by is –
If you need to keep it a secret from your partner, you’re crossing the line.
I’ve never been into a chat room, frankly, I don’t have the time, but they are fast becoming a way for dissatisfied partners to have cyber affairs. It feels safe, because you’re not actually doing anything but it is as innocent as one might like to think?
So, my friend took a big risk and called his bluff. She said she wouldn’t give him any more money and she never wanted to hear from him again. Luckily, he went away and her secret has remained secret, except for you and I.
I guess the moral to this story is if someone you don’t know approaches you for friendship on Facebook you need to be careful. Sometimes boredom or marriage dissatisfaction can make you easy prey.
I am launching my new book on the 28th November. 6 days….The countdown is on!
Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. This book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.
If you subscribe now to the Keeping Up With The Holsbys mailing list you will automatically receive my new mini-eBook ‘A Bit On The Side’ – A collection of fabulous summer salads and side dishes.
To pre-order your hardcopy of Cook Once, Feed All ($35) head to the Holsby Shop right now and you will be the first to receive the hard copy book after it launches on the 28th. You will also receive the Cook Once Feed All eBook (worth $15), plus the new eBook ‘A Bit on the Side’ (worth $5) as a bonus gift in your inbox today.
Three for the price of one, and you save $20.