My head

The big mouth who kicked the hornets’ nest.

February 14, 2014

Holsbys rainbow, whangareiIt’s been a big week for me on social media. I had my first public crucifixion.

I’ve pissed people off before, or perhaps offended slightly, but never before have I been the butt of strangers’ anger.

I’m open to intelligent debate on what I write, but ultimately this is my blog and I will not approve comments that bad mouth me, belittle me, rant on about what an arsehole I am or doggedly argue with me.

You can call it warped censorship, but I call it MY blog.

At 37 years of age I am well aware that I will never please all of the people all of the time, and all I can follow in this venture of mine is my moral compass.

It has been suggested that I am self-serving and selfish and I’m exploiting a young girl.

I would like to reiterate, that I am telling a story of one woman’s experience with her child. It is an interview with one person. I do not need permission from two separated parents to interview one parent.


I’m not putting the child on hormone blockers and neither is her mother. It’s not a debate about the ins and outs of gender confusion, it’s just their experience, and how they’re living with it.

Using real names and images was never my call. It was arranged between the mother, child and publication.

If that makes you wish to crucify me, go right ahead. I have done no wrong.

I am not dogmatic in the slightest. I’m riddled with insecurities and want people to like me. Just like I was in high school only now I have better hair. My skin is still sketchy.

I am honest to a fault and I’m endeavouring to pursue an authentic role as a story teller.

I write about consensual sex slaves and prostitutes. That’s a bit taboo, too.

I write about swingers, and I write about families with disabled children.

Is that more socially acceptable?


In this era of the superficiality of social media it is not easy to remain uncynical, but perhaps I am actually coming from a place of honesty?

Is it not possible that I simply want to shine a light on all the dark corners on life so we can all  have a greater awareness of our fellow man, and know that we all have frailties and weaknesses and they don’t make us any less valuable as humans?

People use drugs, spouses have cyber affairs, marriages may not be what they seem, mums get depressed and struggle to bond with their babies, people have mental breakdowns, people starve themselves, gorge themselves and cut themselves.

Masturbating is fun, drinking too much isn’t a sin, and sometimes we are all scared.

It’s ok.

It’s just life.

I write about life. I write about people.

I write about stuff. What I do, or what I try my best to do, is honest storytelling.

No hidden agenda.

Fame and fortune would be bloody awesome, but realistically MasterChef or Big Brother is likely to get me there before this writing gig.

If the stuff I write makes you uncomfortable, I apologise, and with no hint of malice I suggest you stop reading my blog because there will be more stuff that makes you feel uncomfortable.

I don’t feel discomfort from the messy stuff in the world. I embrace all of the wacky and wonderful differences that there are between us that create the tapestry of our lives.

I’m intrigued by the different. Intrigued by the messy.

Life is not tidy.

It is beautiful chaos.

PS Happy Valentine’s Day, homies.

If you like what you’re seeing, why not like my Facebook page now as I have a little spiel there.

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Twitter & Instagram at The Holsbys to be sure to always keep up with the Holsbys.


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  • Reply RhB February 14, 2014 at 7:57 am

    Never a good idea to argue width someone who is equally convinced that you are the dirt beneath their feet. Abortion, sexual orientation, choices of presidents, right to own arms, religion… mine fields the lot of ’em… good luck! I liked your piece. Screw the rest of the world. 🙂

  • Reply Catherine Rodie (@CatherineRodie) February 14, 2014 at 8:16 am

    Big love to you lady xx

  • Reply Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad February 14, 2014 at 8:42 am

    Don’t apologise. I like real writers. Like you. Writers who dish up life as it is. No filters.
    You’re right, it’s your blog. Your space. You need no permission from anyone. People with problems about that can go read other blogs. Blogs that are filled with beautiful imagery and exaggerate the perfection of their lives. The kinda stuff that makes me want to barf.
    Keep it rolling. You do what you do. I like it. I applaud it.

  • Reply brenda34 February 14, 2014 at 8:54 am

    Well said my dear. xx

  • Reply Cassie February 14, 2014 at 9:26 am

    Keep it up! Love your posts. If the written word can’t polarise – its failing if you ask me 🙂

  • Reply Zanni February 14, 2014 at 9:32 am

    I love you and your writing. Every word! You go girl, and I promise to read every post. xx

  • Reply Nealie Barker February 14, 2014 at 10:42 am

    The interesting oxymoron of the debate around this is that surely we are trying to move as a society on this issue from confusion/rejection to acceptance. As uncomfortable for the pioneers of this medical issue as it may be, there is only one way to make that social migration. Talk, talk talk. Get it out there. Stop being so concerned about the impact on the patients & empower them to get their experiences out there. How do the objectors propose we route out such discrimination if no one can ever be exposed to it & open discussion can never take place. While I understand what the father in this situation is thinking, I believe he is wrong. He is only reinforcing the idea that there is something wrong with his kid to his kid. We’d never get anywhere on these issues if gays stayed in closets, if child abuse victims kept quiet, if women just sat quietly wishing gender discrimination away. This kid is owning who ‘he’ is. He doesn’t have a problem with it, he has family & (I am sure) some social support. His situation is only made worse by larger societal attitudes & if (god bless him) he believes his best defence is a good offense then who are we to say that his life will be better If he’s “protected” from the rest of the world.
    DCH (some unsolicitored advice) ~ self reflection is good. But build yourself a shield & build it fast & strong. Hold it out front, let it take the arrows (that will continue to fly). Then at night, lay it on the ground, pull them out one by one, examine them carefully & let them inform or change you or not. Then throw em out & pick up your shield again. Whatever you do, don’t let one get past, because that’s something that stops people from doing great things in this funny old world

  • Reply Sarah February 14, 2014 at 10:49 am

    I’ve just got to say “Go forth as you are”, you are doing beautifully.

  • Reply ksbeth February 14, 2014 at 1:32 pm

    and bravo to you. keep on, keeping on. and keep it real. your blog and your stories and your issues that you bring up are all a part of life. some parts of life are easier to swallow and digest, and some go down like a lump in your throat. all are important. all deserve a look. naysayers generally have fear and that is what drives them. best, beth

  • Reply Rachel February 14, 2014 at 3:26 pm

    This infuriates me because “real” journalists i.e. those that work for the accepted, homogenised tv and print media, can and do write stories on this subject and don’t have to put up with personal attacks. If anyone has the strength to ignore these pricks it’s you xx

  • Reply kristy February 14, 2014 at 8:10 pm

    I love that you want to get the story out there as does the mother, but I would have to be on the side of the father in this case.

    Considering the sensitive nature of the article I am shocked that the mother would not have sought permission from the girl’s father.

    Regardless of whatever people think about the father feeling ashamed and reinforcing his shame, this is not the issue. The issue is that the girl is a child. This is her life. What if in 10 years time she does not wish for her name to come up in a google search attached to this article? She is too young to consent now, so it is the job of her parents to protect her.

    I can see that you are stuck in the middle of this.

  • Reply Glen February 14, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    People always fear what they don’t understand. Your articles are always honest, sensitive and thought provoking. You don’t judge, you are a story teller, as you aptly described yourself. When people get nasty and make a personal attack, it says nothing about you, but a lot about them. You became the meat in the sandwich in this instance, through no fault of yours. You are intelligent, articulate, compassionate and caring and you make a difference. Lead on McDuff !!

  • Reply Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me February 17, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    As a society we’ve become so critical of those who dare to be honest, challenge system beliefs and call it as they see it. And many of these people hide behind social media to shoot their arrows!! I LOVE Nealie’s comment. Sadly a lot of people can dish it but can’t take it, the truth that is. I’m not so sure BB or MC is the only way you will become famous, you’re halfway there, and have the best attitude to life, rock on girl x

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys February 17, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      You rock yourself, Sassy Mama. PCan I just say I think you should have just left that Christmas tree up. So nearly Xmas again x

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