My head

10 Things You Will Hate About Me

April 24, 2014

I had had about 500 glasses of wine in this picture taken by Catherine Rodie. Please refer to point 8.

The joy of the inter webs is you can fully brand yourself any way you please and paint a fantabulous picture of an overachieving domestic goddess who never puts a foot wrong style wise, be it in home or attire, food wise, or parenting wise.

A perfect wife, an awesome friend, and frankly, your farts don’t even smell because computers haven’t advanced to Smellivision yet.

Let me tell you, I am a little bit like what you see, but mostly I’m like a revolting teenage boy.

I am so gross sometimes my habits even disgust myself.

I’m not always a good friend, and I’m often a distracted, cranky and terrible wife and mother.

I have loads of great clothes but tend to wear the same 5 things because I mostly live in suburban parks and supermarkets and I often accessorise with snot and cooties… or I’m in smelly gym gear as I’m endeavouring to work out the suburban angst in the spin room.

I do eat well for the most part, as I represent, but really I just take pictures of the good shit and figure if there’s no photographic evidence of the fish fingers and cheesy beans on toast then my culinary skills will never come into question. I actually enjoy eating down sometimes, there’s great comfort to be found in ghetto nosh.

I’m going to come clean today with 10 things (in no particular order) you previously did not know about me that will probably make you think I’m a little bit gross, tacky or an arsehole.

1. I’m bossy as all fuck

I’m ok with the word bossy, because I am bossy. I’ve always been bossy, and I’ve always been called bossy. Haven’t needed therapy for that particular chestnut thus far.

2. I bite the skin around my fingernails

I don’t even realise I’m doing most of the time, but other times it’s a very conscious thing. No finger is spared, however I pay particular attention to my right index finger which generally has no finger print, which would be awesome if I could rob a bank with a single digit.

3. I like getting my own way and am prone to sulking when I don’t.

What an arsehole, right? I can’t help it if my ideas are the better ones.

4. I offend people all the time.

Obviously I don’t mean to, but my big mouth has a tiny filter and words can fall out around the edges of it. Also, I’m big on thinking after I speak.
Maybe I’ll think before I speak when I’m a grown up. Something to look forward to.

5. I peed in public pools until only a couple of years ago.

Told you you’d hate me.

6. I have been known to park in a child friendly parking space when I don’t have the children with me.

Only did it twice, but I can’t guarantee I’d never do it again.

7. I like passing wind in the car with the kids in the back.

I owe them, man. It’s only fair.

8. After only one drink I swear like a drunken Irish sailor.

Seriously, more than every second word.

9. I’m anal about washing up the kitchen immediately after eating.

I hate waking up to a dirty kitchen.

10. I smacked both of my children yesterday evening.

They fought all day and I lost my cool.
I hate that about me too.


To be honest, I could probably rattle off another 10 without really having to think but I’d hate to give all of my foulness away in one post.


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  • Reply Bunny Eats Design April 24, 2014 at 7:47 am

    We differ greatly on 1 point. My kitchen is ALWAYS a horrific mess until 5 minute before I have to cook the next meal. Does that gross you out?

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 24, 2014 at 7:49 am

      I don’t think less of you at all. In fact, I’d love to come for dinner! I’d even wash up.

      • Reply Bunny Eats Design April 24, 2014 at 7:53 am

        I would clean up before you arrived. That’s the only time we give the house a good clean up.

  • Reply Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel April 24, 2014 at 8:36 am

    Oh you know that’s just going to make us love you more, don’t you! I too bite the skin around my nails – have never known anyone else who does it so you are quite the revelation (perhaps we could start our own little bank robbing syndicate?) Currently trying to stop because I keep catching every virus that’s going around – presumably because they’re receiving a written invitation to my insides.

    Oh, and the drinking/sweating one isn’t news to me. 😉

  • Reply Have A Laugh On Me April 24, 2014 at 9:13 am

    What is it with that skin anyhow? It’s there to annoy us I reckon. I go too far sometimes. There’s blood. I spittle on it to make it feel better. It doesn’t. I fart and blame the husband.

  • Reply Zanni Arnot April 24, 2014 at 9:14 am

    I am most of these things too… But am loving how real you are. That’s better than a smelly farter, or a nail biter (I do that too by the way, especially when I watch The Hobbit, or work) x

  • Reply Vicki @ Knocked Up & Abroad April 24, 2014 at 10:40 am

    I could tick off a few things on your list too. There’s no shame here.
    Also I’m with Em above. Why do we get the little skin flaps around our nails? Not required. Just a bloody annoyance which definitely requires awkward looking biting.

  • Reply San April 24, 2014 at 3:50 pm

    I definitely have a problem cos’ I STILL think you’re a total spunk and what you’ve divulged in this latest blog only makes you more attractive :o)

  • Reply San April 24, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    You sent me a reply…. OMG… thank you, thank you :o) i feel so humble right now

  • Reply Nealie April 24, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    Why’d you stop peeing in public pools…. Give me a single good reason not to, cause I’m gonna need some convincing !

  • Reply San April 24, 2014 at 7:32 pm

    Hey yeah, is a pool a prerequisite? I just thought you had to drink 500 glasses of wine. BTW – any hints for that instant makeover that makes you look fabulous within (and without,) even tho’ you’re seeing double and other nuisance factors that go with drinking to excess????? I’m all ears…… (like a V Dub with it’s doors open…) :o)

  • Reply Sarah April 24, 2014 at 11:16 pm

    I have always loved reading your posts and now I love you more! Thanks for making me feel normal 🙂

  • Reply Alison April 24, 2014 at 11:17 pm

    Your still my favorite blogger 🙂

  • Reply larva225 April 24, 2014 at 11:47 pm


  • Reply Roar Sweetly April 25, 2014 at 6:56 am

    I’m with you on no. 6 and occasionally no. 10 but am a wee bit disturbed by no. 5.

  • Reply Nina April 25, 2014 at 12:26 pm

    I wish I could swear like a drunken sailor after some drinks but me? I act like the biggest, happiest fool who will likely say something ridiculously, cheek-burningly embarrassing about herself.

    And can you come to my house and clean after I cook? I absolutely can’t stand cleaning after I cook, which is where the hubs comes in. Hey at least I love cooking 🙂

    And okay the peeing in the pool thing is kind of gross, but I’m not that much better. I still remember peeing in the pool long after I should’ve known better!

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 25, 2014 at 9:13 pm

      I will absolutely clean if you cook for me. It’s a perfect deal.
      Let’s never swim in a pool together though. Just to be safe x

  • Reply Maxabella April 25, 2014 at 8:53 pm

    I don’t even need a drink for my inner sailor to start talking. He hardly gets a word in though – the trouper is very, very loud. x

  • Reply maxabella April 25, 2014 at 8:54 pm

    I don’t even need a drink for my inner sailor to speak. But I never, ever fart. Ever. x

  • Reply kirstyrussell75 April 25, 2014 at 10:20 pm

    Point 2 – that’s me. My husband HATES it but I can’t help it. You crack me up, Mrs Holsby!

  • Reply mumabulous April 26, 2014 at 7:46 am

    Well I have exceptionally grotty toes. TMI?

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys April 26, 2014 at 8:01 am

      You’re asking a pool pee-er?
      Don’t get me started on feet. I’m too embarrassed to talk about mine!

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling April 26, 2014 at 9:36 am

    I HAD to read this post cos your title captured my attention…and I laughed all the way through! I’m totally with you on 2, 3 and 8. Although sometimes I don’t even need a drink to swear like a sailor…but it’s way more fun!

  • Reply sheridanr90 April 26, 2014 at 10:29 am

    Oh my gosh!! You are a real person… That’s. Crazy.
    I am also a nail skin biter.
    I constantly go from being super understanding to losing my shit in 0.3 seconds.
    I am also bossy but my theory is I wouldn’t have to be if everyone just did what I want them to without me having to ask…. Right?!
    Loving your REAL post!

  • Reply Kylie Purtell - A Study in Contradictions April 26, 2014 at 4:39 pm

    Since the toddler has morphed in to a tiny, psycho parrot I have had to reign in my potty mouth, although it is very, very hard. I’m just waiting for the unavoidable moment when she mutters “Fuck Me Dead” in front of my mother!

    And I am all over number one. Always have been , always will be, always been called it by everyone I know. I believe bossy people are the best people! We get shit done (or get others to do it for us!).

  • Reply Sam Stone @ A Life on Venus April 26, 2014 at 5:45 pm

    Aren’t these just more reasons to love you. I too am bossy as all fuck – but if I wasn’t nothing would get done. I also chew the skin around my nails. Oh, and I also swear like it is going to be outlawed tomorrow.

  • Reply Sonia Life Love Hiccups April 28, 2014 at 7:02 pm

    I think I just fell in love with you 🙂 xx

  • Reply peopledonteatenoughfudge April 28, 2014 at 9:50 pm

    1,3 and 8 (although alcohol is not required for this one) – but I have at least 20 other disgusting habits of my own …

  • Reply Ana January 14, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Ok, I liked you before but now I think I love you.


  • Reply 10 More Things You'll Hate About Me September 14, 2015 at 7:01 am

    […] I wrote 10 Things You’ll Hate About Me and outed myself as being like a revolting teenage boy trapped in a woman’s body I was […]

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