Featured, My pantry

Favorite bedroom appliance and Fetta stuffed Greek rissoles.

August 25, 2014

fetta stuffed greek rissolesAs a ‘domestic’ blogger I often get asked what my favourite household appliance is and I always think “how could I possibly choose?”

I’m rather fond of the kettle but that vacuum cleaner can kiss my arse.
The fridge keeps the wine cold, so I guess we’re firm friends.

Something much easier for me to name as prized is my favourite bedroom appliance.

Not my hairdryer, nor my bedside clock.

My vibrator.

I currently only have one and it doesn’t even work properly any more but I’ll take that over the washing machine or the even my food processor any day of the week.

The food processor definitely brings me a modicum of joy, but my tickle stick?

No competition.

I bought it at Sexpo under the watchful eye of my sex therapist friend Isiah whom I presumed has much experience in these matters. She hailed this one as the bomb. The brand was titled Fun Factory, which was remeniscent of a 90’s dance group so I envisaged hours of solo disco.

My previous battery operated lovers had been lurid phallic looking monstrosities but not so with this little darling. She, yes, she was compact, sleek and looked bugger all like a penis.

She looked gentle and friendly, rather than like a truncheon that wished to terrorise my soft bits. She was almost unassuming enough to try to sneak into hand luggage through an airport, but not quite, because as friendly in appearance as my buzzing friend may be she would still cause an awkward conversation at the X-ray.

I realise discussing self-pleasuring is not everyone’s cup of tea, but whether you keep on the down low or sing it from the roof tops I thoroughly recommend everyone rubs one out from time to time…. or all the time if you wish.

It’s a great reliever of stress and puts you in a better mood. When it’s just you you needn’t care about waxing your bikini line, nor need you worry about how long it’s taking or whether you’re being suitably appreciative.

Or if you say the wrong name – Joe Manganiello for instance.


If you wish to languorously make love to yourself, rock on, but if you want to jump straight into lift-off position and be back about your business in a couple of minutes flat – power to you.

I didn’t mean to disrespect my food processor before, I really do love it. For turning mundane mince into orgasmic little, creamy centred rissoles my food processor is essential, but my point was if I needed to pick just one household appliance to take to the desert island my mince would be mundane for eternity.

After all this wank talk, before we get onto the food, I do recommend thoroughly washing your hands.

PS Champagne Carolyn, I cannot resist a dare.

fetta stuffed greek rissoles


Fetta Stuffed Greek Rissoles, with Crispy Cubed Potatoes

Serves 4

What you will need :

For the rissoles – 

  • 500g lamb mince
  • 1 spanish onion
  • 3 cloves garlic, peeled
  • zest of one lemon
  • 1.2 packed cup of mint
  • 1 teaspoon dried oregano
  • 1 egg
  • 100g fetta (I used delish goat’s fetta today) cut into 1cm cubes.

For the potatoes – 

  • one potato per person, plus one cheeky extra one
  • two sprigs fresh rosemary
  • olive oil
  • salt and pepper

For the salad –

  • remainder of the bunch of mint
  • 3 tomatoes, cut into eighths
  • 2 cucumbers, cut length ways then chopped
  • 1 roast capsicum, home grilled or from a jar
  • lemon juice
  • olive oil


What you will need to do :

Pop your potatoes into a saucepan of boiling water and boil until just tender.

Preheat oven to 200C.

Chop potatoes into cubes and toss with olive oil, salt, pepper and rosemary. Chuck them in, tossing now and then.

crispy cubed potatoes

Into your for processor toss your spanish onion, garlic, lemon zest, mint and oregano. Wazz it up until it’s a paste. Add it to your mince, chuck in the egg, season well and mix that sucker with your hands.

Taking dessert spoon sized chucks, roll into balls then dig a hole with your thumb. Insert a cube of fetta and close the mince back up over it. Continue until you’re all done.

fetta stuffed greek rissolesCook your rissoles on the BBQ until they’re cooked through and the cheese is melty. 6-7 minutes a side.

Toss your salad ingredients onto your serving plate and mix well with lemon juice and olive before serving the rest of your stuff on the platter and chucking it on the table.

Dinner is served.


fetta stuffed greek rissoles and crispy potato cubes



Cook Once, Feed All COVER_lr

Cook Once, Feed All is about making your life easier whilst preparing nutritious and quick food for your family. Hailed by Mouths of Mums as the ‘must have recipe book for all families’, this book is a collection of family friendly recipes, all accompanied by stories from my life.

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  • Reply Glen August 25, 2014 at 9:20 am

    The tears are still streaming, you are so hilarious and refreshingly honest. What a start to the day. Thanks Danielle!!

  • Reply larva225 August 26, 2014 at 4:00 am

    I just read this at the office. Excellent. Nothing like a bit of naughty reading to break up the monotony of groundwater reports.
    Before I got what your post was REALLY about, I was thinking about my stick blender. But then I guess there are some similarities.

  • Reply San August 26, 2014 at 1:42 pm

    That is the by far the funniest thing I’ve read in ages hunny. God forbid you get your food processor and your tickle stick mixed up in the throws of passion or you’ll end up with main course with pink bits!!! Please, write a novel (when you’ve finished your knitting and your not crushung walnuts with your left foot ;o)….) You’re a best seller waiting to happen. XO

    • Reply Keeping Up With The Holsbys August 26, 2014 at 1:55 pm

      Oh my god, my bits cringed at that thought! My dad thinks I should write erotic fiction.
      Is that weird?

      • Reply San August 26, 2014 at 5:10 pm

        I dunno’, does he take batteries???

  • Reply Alison August 30, 2014 at 12:32 am

    Thank you, this was a great read. Wank away I say! How the hell are you supposed to let someone else know how to make you feel good if you don’t know how to do it yourself, right? I’d buy that novel if you ever write it 🙂

  • Reply Lessons in Life | Keeping Up With The Holsbys September 3, 2014 at 7:23 am

    […] You already know I’m a wanker. I told you about my vibrator. […]

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