Road Trip to Central Australia, plus The Road Movie.

**Brought to you in conjunction with Kidspot Voices 2014 and Healtheries**

Want to know how we Holsbys rolled on our road trip to Central Australia? In style. I never wore the ugliest hat in the world.

We flew into Alice Springs and getting off the plane from Sydney with our end-of-winter woolies was quite the shock. Partly because of the heat that smacked you in the face like a footballer’s sock, but also because it’s like landing on another planet. It runs on an alternate time, and it’s acceptable to wear an entire outfit of khaki.

After a trip to the local supermarket (and boozeria) to stock The Windbag, we hit the road and headed out into the vast nothingness that is the Australian desert. You can be forgiven for thinking that Uluru is a stone’s throw from the Alice Springs pub, alas it is 467.8kms down the Lasseter Highway (presumably named after the pub in Neighbours.)

The Windbag, our trusty steed.

A 5-hour road trip with your homies when you’re 21 is a thing of joy, but in 38 degree heat with a four-year-old and two-year-old as companions it’s a loooooooong way. My one piece of advice to anyone thinking of this type of journey is –

 SNACKS. Lots of them.

Road trip snacks mean different things to different families but I’m not one to give my kids much junk so I needed the same effect (SHUT THEM UP  KEEP THEM OCCUPIED) but with healthier options.

I like to make little snack packs as when they have lots of little bits in their goodie bags it gives them something to do, which means I have nothing to do – which means WINNING.

I gotta say the trick up my sleeve was the Healtheries Rice Wheels. The kids are crazy about them, and to be completely honest, I think they’re pretty good with beer (don’t mention it to the Rice Wheel guys because I don’t think that’s what they had in mind.)

We did a few tremendous hikes.

After the first epic 10.6km hike with the pram, Father Dear and I decided we would do shorter walks and I would be Kiki’s pack-horse and D Man would walk as much as possible before going on Grandpapa’s back in a carrier.

I could use those Rice Wheels as bribery to get D Man all the way home thereby saving Grandpapa’s only working lung from wheezing its way back to the bus.

Genius.

Dad mentioned gratefully that with us aboard the Windbag his camp dining had stepped it up a notch.

He went from steak, sautéed potatoes and salad every day with pasta on sundays to Gourmet Glamp Club… I shan’t go into it too much because what happens in Glamp Club stays in Glamp Club but suffice to say that just because I haven’t had a shower in days, I have desert crusting my nostrils and an inch of dirt in my bed does not mean I do not eat like a royal.

For all of the wondrous things that happened in the desert, I also had my worst ever parenting experience. I’ll share it with you, but please don’t judge me.

We were all sharing a shower cubicle (the kids and I, not Dad too, you creeps), and with three of us splashing things get a little slippy. My little Kiki got jolted sideways and landed with a mighty cheek crack on the tiles; her face instantly going shades of red and blue, her mouth wide in a silent scream until the air flooded her lungs and let fly with her pain.

I grabbed her to my naked breast knowing it was a bad one, and then D Man started to keen.

We were all stark naked, and the noise was bouncing off the tiles, rattling my teeth.

I tried to quickly get D Man dressed but he started fussing over putting on his shorts. His undies fell into the puddle so I cast them aside and forced him into his shorts. I quickly zipped the fly…..

Penis + zip = VERY VERY BAD

Two screaming, half-naked children.

One starkers mother.

I unzipped him, threw half an outfit on myself, put a howling child on each hip and went as quickly as I could, shoeless through the forrest of epic bindies back to the bus.

That night the children ate fish and chips, and a Vanilla Drumstick washed down with lemonade. Sometimes, you just gotta break all of your rules.

They were happy as Larry, but I felt like the worst mother in the world.

My road movie on the other hand, is cool as… Check it out.

PS All injuries sustained have healed beautifully.

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