The title of this piece refers neither to a glass of wine nor my favourite bra. As much as I love both of those cups, I’m going somewhere a little bit deeper today.
Imagine yourself as having a cup inside your chest. It probably sits about where your heart is but we’re not going to squabble about the actual visceral space and proximity of our imaginary vessels.
I like to think of this vessel as a love cup.
It may look similar to the silver bowl I received at my birth from some family we can no longer recall, or it may look like a golden, jewelled goblet.
Or it may look like one of those wacky novelty cups with flashing lights and a penis straw, let’s not get caught up on the details.
Sometimes, when I spend time with certain people I feel like my love cup has been depleted. You know these people to which I refer.
You’re friends, sure, but for some reason you can’t quite put your finger on when you say your final goodbyes after spending time with them and you walk away you feel less buoyant than when you arrived. You feel a little flat. You feel a little empty. You feel a little –
You may have been friends with this person for a million years, or you may have only just met, but this depleted feeling you feel makes you feel a tad beige.
They are sipping from your love cup.
Slaking their thirst on the juice of your heart, and that’s ok, as long as you know and you only allow them to drink so much.
Other times, I spend time with people and I feel like my love cup has been replenished. You know these people too.
The conversations may not be that different. You talk about what you’ve been up to and THE STUFF that is life and love but there is something inexplicable about this person in your life.
They fill your love cup.
When you’re with them it’s like a ray of golden sun is shining down and whether you are crying or laughing is irrelevant, because just by being in the proximity of this person you are being replenished.
When you say your final goodbyes and you walk away from them you feel light, and energised. You feel happy for just having spent time with them. You feel like whatever issues you discuss are lighter for having shared them, and maybe you even had a hug.
Love cup to love cup, beaming straight into each others hearts.
I’ve talked to a number of people about the love cup recently and when I tell them my analogy they invariably say –
Lately I’ve had to really look after my cup.
My cup is looking a little battered and tarnished and I’ve realised that I don’t have enough banked in my cup to spend time with people that don’t fill it up.
While writing this I took the tarnished silver bowl/cup thing with my name on the side out into the late afternoon sun and I polished it gently with toothpaste. The very act of doing so was a silent, minty, ritual to honour my cup.
I am only spending time with people that fill my love cup for a while.
I need to fill that vessel ten times over and let the love overflow for a bit because I don’t want my cup to run low any more.
But we should all do this, shouldn’t we? It just makes sense. Why would you hang out with someone that makes you feel bad?
Our lives are so busy and our time is so precious, why on Earth would we spend time with people that make us feel less than awesome?
How is your love cup, and the people that you share it with?
Is it time for a stocktake?