It can’t just be me that thinks that all of the options for birth control are fairly unappealing?
Over the years I’ve tried everything.
The pill makes me batshit crazy, the Nuvaring (which no one has ever heard of) make my boobs rock hard and monstrously painful, the diaphragm was kind of successful but there is nothing sexy about spermacide, and condoms….well, everyone hates condoms.
So what is the solution?
80% of my lady friends are using the withdrawal method, which we all know is akin to playing Russian roulette whilst hopping through a minefield.
These women are not stupid, they just don’t really like any of the options out there.
I too have been using this age old way to accidentally fall pregnant and I decided that I really need to take charge of this situation because I need a new baby like I need a third breast right now.
I asked one lady doctor what she used for contraception, thinking that she has all of the information about all of the forms of birth control so she would be a fantastic resource. Alas, no.
She uses the withdrawal method.
A doctor who uses the withdrawal method tells me that I am not silly in thinking that all of the available options are a bit pants.
I now have a new doctor, I switched for unrelated reasons, whom I adore. I spoke very candidly with her recently and we decided the Mirena was the way forward for me. Or shall we call it the final frontier….if this fails, I am farked.
98% of people think it’s awesome, and 2% of people think it was developed by Satan himself and their bodies rejected it with such fury that they have never mentally recovered.
Seems like okay odds.
My doctor was away so I saw another lady doctor at the surgery and she did not instil me with confidence straight away. She seemed kind of hesitant and shaky and these are not desirable qualities in someone about to tinker with your privates.
As I was lying there, pants off and lady bits in the breeze, she gave me a disclaimer to sign to say that I understand that this may all go horribly wrong.
Please sign here.
I will spare you the details but after some graphic pushing, pulling, probing and prodding, I left without the Mirena in place.
She put it in, fluffed around a bit and she kind of pulled it out again accidentally, and then when she said she was going to try to reinsert it the two attending nurses (yes, it was a spectator sport) suggested that it was no longer sterile and so that particular device was now kaput.
Can you believe it? What a kerfuffle.
Fairly certain it was due to her being incompetent and not my lack of pelvic floor because I’ve been ‘frunching’ for dear life on my PeriCoach challenge this week.
This being a woman business is kind of sucky at times. I mean, sure, we’re the superior sex for obvious reasons but I don’t see boys getting anti-baby devices shoved in delicate and sensitive little corridors that are being stretched by metal probes.
Anyway, I’m off for another round of corridor violation on monday with my regular doctor and hopefully I will be in the lucky 98% who high five the Mirena as opposed to the 2% who have evil side effects and end up giving up sex or having 500 babies.
Wish me luck.
Do you rate the Mirena?
Have you found the Holy Grail in a contraception that you love? Tell me….
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