Health and Wellbeing

The truth about tantric sex

June 4, 2015

tantric sexWhen Sting and Trudie Styler came out swinging from the chandeliers shouting about how amazing tantric sex is and that they do the wild thing for 8 hours straight, tantra became all the sexual rage.

All I could think of was –

 Who has the time?

Then I got married and had kids and was tired and crabby all the time and thought –

Who has the inclination?

Even now that I have a new partner I still think if I had eight hours up my sleeve I’d love an uninterrupted night’s sleep. Don’t get me wrong sex is way fun but that seems a tad excessive.

The more I read about tantra the more I realised that the truth about tantric sex was not only discovering ancient secrets to toe curling pleasure, and learning how to get more in touch with my body, but learning to have a more intimate relationship with my partner out of the bedroom as well.

So, with that in my pocket, I recently bought my boyfriend a private tantric sex workshop for his birthday.

You see what I did there? I gave a gift that I will benefit from. I thought it was a stroke of genius….

Upon the recent discovery that the sex therapist and relationship counsellor (I have also come to think as my friend) whom I often use for article quotes teaches tantra I felt it was the perfect opportunity to get my bonk goddess on in a nice, safe, and friendly environment.

When we sat down in Isiah McKimmie’s gorgeous inner city clinic room she made us feel at ease instantly…aside from the fact that we were a tad on the giggly side. Isaiah asked us what we knew about tantra and what we were expecting from this session.

I immediately blurted that I didn’t want 8 hours of sex. I’d rather an hour of mind blowing sex and 7 hours of sleep.

I just wanted to understand what tantra was all about and see if it really could enhance anyone’s sex life….namely, mine.

Tantra is not a sexual technique.

Its actually a form of yoga that can be performed by yourself….. but I’ve had quite enough sex with myself and I’m ready to unleash myself on someone else.

When Isiah explained the principals of tantra it was really very simple.

We would be keeping our clothes on, and through learning the 5 basic principals of tantra we would be enhancing our intimacy, and as a byproduct of this, our sexual pleasure would be heightened but also our connection throughout the rest of our relationship would be stronger because we were now connecting on this deeper level.

Mung beans, anyone?

As with yoga, and as with life, tantra is all about the breath.

And being truly present – as in, not thinking about the washing or the shopping list (or Jax Teller from Sons of Anarchy, you know, if you’re into that kind of bad, slightly smelly, boy thing) and gently bringing your mind back to where you are if you begin to wander.

In many instances at the beginning of love play you would start with traditional foreplay.

A bit of a snog, a rub here, a tweak there, but tantric philosophy suggests you awaken the body, ie, touch everywhere except the saucy bits and jazz up your nerve endings, all the while practicing your tantric breathing and occasionally squeezing your pelvic floor.

I’m not sure if all of the deep breathing just hyper aerated me and made me feel all tingly, but something sure did.

Another important principal is instead of trying hard to get your rocks off as quick as you can during sex, you continuously bring yourself back down from the brink, therefore heightening your eventual release. Apparently this bit is the be all.

Well practiced dude can orgasm without ejeculating therefore allowing a male multiple orgasm. I think that’s fairly advanced however.

We also spent 10 divine minutes just holding each other, or to be precise, first him holding me, and loving me while I just lapped it up, and then we swapped and I held and loved him while he just accepted it.

Apparently it can be quite difficult for a guy to simply accept being held, and being vulnerable, so it’s a great opportunity for your man to just surrender to your affections.

We floated out feeling super loved up, and connected, but not like we had to dash out and rip each other’s kit off. It was more than that, the real truth about tantric sex is definitely in the intimacy you can achieve.

Would you be game to try this out for a fun afternoon’s activity? 


Isiah McKimmie


***this is not a sponsored post***


If you like what you’re seeing, stick around and have a flick through some related posts.

Want some more? Why not like my Facebook page now?

You can also subscribe via email, or follow me on Instagram and Twitter at The Holsbys to be sure you always Keep up with the Holsbys.



You Might Also Like


  • Reply adamjclements June 4, 2015 at 10:19 am

    That’s a beautiful read thanks Danielle. I wanted to say something smutty but couldn’t bring myself to do it.

    • Reply Danielle June 6, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      you’ve changed.

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling June 4, 2015 at 11:16 am

    I’m so glad you’ve written this post (which is super beautiful, by the way). It’s really nice to know the things we do and the connection my husband and I have intimately is very much along these lines. It really does pay dividends to keep bringing your mind back from the mess in the kitchen or the washing on the line – just to be there in the moment with your loved one. There’s nothing better. x

    • Reply Danielle June 6, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      Makes me happy to think your loving is bang on the money. May it stay that way for many years to come….. washing is a boring thing to think about anyhoo.

  • Reply San June 4, 2015 at 12:27 pm

    Why soytenally – when are you guys free???? :O)

    • Reply Danielle June 6, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Cheeky. Cheeky. Cheeky.
      I love it.

  • Reply Toddlers Plus Teens June 5, 2015 at 12:41 pm

    Thanks for sharing this post . Taking time for intimacy in amongst the busyness of life is something often overlooked. Trying to lock ourselves away on RNR from our tribe is always a challenge . It must be time for a mini break I think . x

  • Leave a Reply

    %d bloggers like this: