I won a beautiful prize for Mother’s Day through a competition held by Kimba Likes. I was super chuffed as I didn’t think I’d be getting anything for Mother’s Day but I actually received a gorgeous Peace Lily from the children on the day.
I know it was a while ago but I had trouble deciding exactly what I wanted. It’s a gorgeous hand stamped silver cuff from Honeydew & Violet which I could print anything I wanted on.
My beautiful bracelet arrived in the mail today and I slid it straight onto my wrist where I will wear it with pride until my hand falls off. Or something replaces it, I guess.
For months I’ve been considering getting the children’s birth dates tattooed on my forearms in Sanskrit but as the Shaolin monk who is translating the months and numbers takes longer and longer, the more I think perhaps the moment for inking myself has passed.
Winning this cuff seemed a perfect solution so I got their birth dates stamped in Roman numerals (I figured Sanskrit stamps would have been expecting a little much), and I wanted some significant words on there too.
I was looking at typical Latin phrases for family and I most of them made me feel inadequate.
“My family is my life.”
“I live for my family.”
“Family before all else.”
They all sounded schmaltzy, and kinda made me cringe. I realised that I’m not that mum.
I live because my heart beats.
I live for so many things, not just my family.
I would die for my family should the need the arise, but do I live for them? I don’t think so. I don’t know. Does that make me an arsehole?
Sometimes we get to bedtime and rather than living for them with boundless joy, I feel like I have endured them for the day.
I do not live to hear the fighting, the whinging and the screeching in that ear piercing tone that makes my drums bleed. I do not live so I can wash my family’s clothes, cook their dinners and wipe their butts.
I do love the sound of their giggles. Or when they both climb into bed in the freezing early morning, one on either side making a Mummy sandwich and snuggling into me for warmth. Those moments, they give me peace and comfort. They give me strength.
I adore my children but I do not find parenting a walk in the park.
I’m not a super easy going, chillaxed parent. I’m really just doing the best I can every day to keep the facade of adulthood going. Pay the bills before I get a warning, work as much as I can juggle, cook nutritious food, keep them clean and tidy, read them stories and expand their brains, write a story to earn money, and repeat and repeat and repeat because that’s what grown up life is.
A series of repeats.
In order for this not to be unbearable, we need to find joyous things in between the monotony.
Spending time with people that fill our love cup, partaking in pursuits that fulfil and inspire us.
Kids have moments of great wisdom, and hilarity, but they also have moments where you wonder how you’re going to keep doing this gig for the next….well, forever if the way I still stress my mum out counts for anything.
My kids have no idea that I’m a total fraud. I’m their Mama Bear so to them, I am everything.
They live for me.
To them I’m the CEO and Creative Director of this show, not just some tap dancing hack madly busking in the Underground.
Just as my job does not define me, neither do my children, and whether I’m Parent of the Year, or just limping through each day doesn’t define me either.
I struggled to find exactly the words to describe how I feel about these two people whose lives are so dependant on mine. Then I found it. And when I read the words –
IN AERTERNAM TE AMABO
I knew I’d found exactly the sentiment I wanted to stamp on my new bracelet.
I WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE END OF TIME.
Come what may…… come what may.
I will love you until my dying day.
Do you relate or am I an arsehole parent? Tell me, I can handle it.
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