My head

A letter to me on my 39th birthday

July 7, 2015

a letter to me on my 39th birthdayHi Dan,

It’s that time again. Can you believe it? Another year has passed with it’s ups and downs and beautiful moments in between.

Happy birthday, sweetheart. One year away from 40. Wowsers. That’s old. Are you a grown up yet?

I just reread my old letters to you over the last few birthdays and I always say the same thing to you – be kind to yourself. Go gently.

Did you achieve it this year?

I don’t know, I don’t really think so. Sorry, but you have room for improvement in this department, lady. I can say that to you, we’re good friends, you and I.

Instead of telling you how can be a better person in this coming year, I’ll suggest you take a look back at what you’ve done this year and show you exactly why you should take it easier on yourself. Flogging a horse is not how to get the best out of it. Maybe for a short time it is, but nurturing and loving that beast will yield better results long term.

Are you a horse flogger? Or the horse even? Or both.

You started writing for the first time a few years ago. You had no experience, you have no degree, and to be honest you had no idea what you were doing. Now, three and half years later you have a new career. Yu never even thought that was a possibility.

You have connected with people in all corners of the world and some of them have become friends, and some of them have become inspirations, but all of them have touched your life.

Instead of whipping yourself to more, more, more, just remember that if someone you know told you they started with nothing and have achieved what you have, you would be impressed, and inspired by them.

Not tell them they needed to do more. Or be better.

Your life is awesome. You are loved deeply, and you love deeply and if that isn’t a better benchmark for success than anything else then you have your priorities mixed up, kid.

Your life is varied, and colourful, and you’re honing your juggling skills and remembering to say YES to new experiences. Try not to get stressed out by it all though because if your life was not like this, you would be bored and wishing for more. Maybe life isn’t about smooth sailing. Maybe it’s about being thankful for a seaworthy vessel and riding the waves like a boss.

You really do get a bit worked up about stuff though. I know that you are really in your head all the time because of what you do, but you need to get out of your head too. And I don’t mean off your face.

It’s ok to have big emotions. It’s ok to not always understand them. As long as you keep being honest, and being true to yourself then everything will work out.

Your passion is part of your charm, without those emotions you would be someone else, so just remember to slow down now and then and breathe. Remember to call a friend when you get too in your own head. Sometimes just hearing a friendly voice is all you need because you’re obsessing over small shit.

Basically, you’re doing your best, and you’re doing great. Your kids are resilient, and they know they are loved to absolute pieces and that’s what kids really need.

When things are a little tricky, know that you are also loved to absolute pieces too, by beautiful people you call your friends and family, because all the other stuff is just details.

And details have a way of working themselves out.

Final year of your 30’s, dude. This is a big year, so make sure you do some shit worth writing about in next year’s letter.


a letter to me on my 39th birthday


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  • Reply Vanessa July 7, 2015 at 7:54 am

    Beautifully written and heartfelt as always. Today is my Mum’s birthday too, Ill share this with her.
    My favourite part … “Maybe life isn’t about smooth sailing. Maybe it’s about being thankful for a seaworthy vessel and riding the waves like a boss” – great advice for all. Love it!! Happy Birthday!

  • Reply Michaela Fox July 7, 2015 at 9:56 am

    I just turned 39 and I think you may have written this letter to me!! So many parallels here. I am so hard on myself, consistently pointing out my flaws and ignoring my achievements. I also live in my head. ALL THE FREAKIN’ TIME. I wish my mind would shut the hell up once in a while. That is my birthday wish. The past year has been a tough one for me; characterised by grief, disappointment and loss. I am hoping this next year is a ripper, for both you and me! Fab post x

  • Reply San July 7, 2015 at 1:16 pm

    Welllllll, I like the bit about the horse, “are you the horse flogger or the horse”. Put it this way, if you lean towards beastiality and necrophilia? you are flogging a dead horse…… on that note, your growing into a spectacular woman and you’re sailing well. I’m glad you got that divining rod out of your vjj. I’m 55, proud of it and yet to mature hunny, so YOU are a baby chick. Whatever you do, have a bloody WONDERFUL one. Condiser yourself hugged. 39 and in a holding pattern :O)
    I will raise my glass to you about 4ish I reckon.

  • Reply John Hulls July 7, 2015 at 5:22 pm

    Happy Birthday you old tart!! Lots of love and pride to our li’l D. Thanks for keeping us up to date on all your bits and pieces…(maybe not so much the bits!) Lots of love and laughs.
    John & Val XXXX

  • Reply raphaela99 July 7, 2015 at 6:24 pm

    Happy Birthday and yes, you are doing great. You are a beautiful person as well!

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling July 10, 2015 at 1:39 pm

    I hope you had the happiest of birthdays (so far), my friend. You are truly a gem of a person and I’m so grateful our paths have crossed. Can’t wait to have a wine again with you soon. x
    (PS: these are some of the most beautiful photos of you I’ve ever seen – and that’s saying something, spunky. x)

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