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7 Things I No Longer Believe About love

July 17, 2015
7 things I no longer believe about love

photo : Kirsten Cox

Love is a many splendid thing and when the stars align and love is in your court the world is just a better place.

The birds sing zippideedoodaa, and nothing can get you down when that ol’ feeling takes a hold….. but is that stuff only in movies?

Many of my favourite movies have love woven into the theme, but when the credits roll at the end we never really find out what happened next unless there’s a sequel like Grease 2 which really should never have been made.

The Notebook was a brilliant love story that began almost at the end, but what happened to Baby and Johnny?

I still love love.

Knowing someone has your back, someone to cuddle with in bed and talk about your fears and dreams – that stuff is priceless, but although I still believe in love, there are a few things I no longer believe about love.

 

Love with the right person is easy

Love is easy, sure, but relationships take work. It doesn’t matter how great you are together in bed, or how deep your friendship is, when it comes to a working relationships it involves give and take. Add kids, a mortgage and other external pressures and it doesn’t take long for cracks to appear.

Everyone needs to regularly check in with their partners and suss out how everyone is feeling. Communication is king when it comes to love.

 

My life will be better when I’m in love

I used to look to other people to validate me, and this was especially true in relationships. I used to think that if I am loved by someone then I am beautiful/smart/funny/sexy etc, but it is not the other person that makes me this way. I have to feel these things in order to be these things.

 

True love will conquer all

I used to believe that if you loved each other everything would work out in the end….Sadly, it is not always the case. Sometimes people love each other but they just aren’t good for each other and walking away from a relationship that is toxic is an important part of self preservation.

 

Love is a feeling

Love is a feeling but we must remember that love is a verb. Love is something we do, and we need to keep doing it to keep the feeling alive. Love is doing little things for your partner, being thoughtful and kind. Putting someone else’s feelings before your own, and ensuring your partner feels safe and warm. These things don’t cost money, but they are the foundation of a precious relationship.

 

When a relationship doesn’t work it doesn’t mean you are unloveable

Compatibility is a funny thing. Just because one person feels it, doesn’t mean both people do. Now that I’m older I can just see thing for what they are a little more and see sometimes things just aren’t right between two people. You’d have to be a real arse hat to be truly unlovable.

 

When you love you don’t feel attracted to other people

I’ve been dealing a few infidelities with friends at the moment. Either they are being unfaithful or their partner has cheated on them. We are animals so becoming attracted to other people is very possible regardless of how much we love our partners.

What we do with that temptation is thing that separates us from animals. Trust is easily broken, and incredibly difficult to repair.

 

Happily ever after does exist

I still believe in this one….. Many relationships do stand the test of time, and happily ever after does exist. It is as rare as a diamond, and far more precious, but it does exist.

 

Do you love love? 

What do you believe about love?

 

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7 Comments

  • Reply Gary July 17, 2015 at 9:33 am

    Point number 6 is an interesting one. As human animals can be a challenging one. We all cope with these challenges in different ways.

  • Reply raphaela99 July 17, 2015 at 10:27 am

    I am single (long story)! I used to believe the above too. I think I am getting to know myself more now, and have been impressed by what I am capable of achieving.

  • Reply Momma G July 17, 2015 at 2:02 pm

    J Daddy and I work hard on our relationship. We work to keep it good, with open and honest communication, and we do little things that bring a smile to the other’s face. One of the rules in our house is “no secrets” – we say it out loud and talk it through, no matter how uncomfortable it is. You already know some of our story – the Big One being sick and needing a bone marrow transplant, and the Small One being conceived through a hellish journey that was IVF. The other parts of our story were, in my mind, more hellish than the above, and we had to be open and honest to get through it. We are in a much better place now, having worked our butts off through those nightmares to get to where we are, and we are proud of our efforts, although the outcome was (and still is) something that will weigh on our minds for the rest of our lives.

    We certainly hope that if we continue working on our relationship, that we will stand the test of time. Our 5-year wedding anniversary is coming up, and every now and again, I still get that giddy feeling when I look at J Daddy, and see the wonderful man, friend, and father that I’m so lucky to have in my life.

  • Reply San July 17, 2015 at 4:35 pm

    For what it’s worth…… I absolutely believe that love is the tough stuff. Giddy love is great but lasting love takes an enormous amount of effort on both parts. It’s getting thru shitty times together, it’s doing those phuqing (posh spelling) hard yards and coming out the other side intact. I take a quote from that great song ‘ My one true friend’ written by Foster/King/Bayer-Sager -” tho love may break, it never dies, it changes shape thru changing eyes”….. and it’s enormously sad when it all goes pear shaped and the respect and trust disappears along with the love. I still think if that love was true, it will remain in your heart and be a part of you forevermore…… and that liking someone despite their shortcomings which we all ahve, will keep the love alive.

  • Reply San July 17, 2015 at 4:37 pm

    Ummm, that should read HAVE!!! and GREAT POST Girlfriend, got me on my soapbox hey!!!!

  • Reply Glen July 18, 2015 at 10:28 am

    Love is cathartic. We all crave love and acceptance.I read recently we are “imperfect humans in an imperfect world, trying to do the best we can” like everything else love, and relationships with all different personalities, experiences, environments and values in the mix, can are complicated and involves the principle of quid pro quo. For the wonderful endorphins comes the payment of commitment. Two strong independent pillars joined by a lintel at the top. Years ago I read “The Road Less Travelled” and the message as I recall was “Life is meant to be difficult” I’m not digressing, love is part of life and my observation is that if you truly love someone you love them warts and all, be honest, share all your oops, communicate often, and try to be sensitive to how your words and actions will impact on them……but don’t give up your pillar that is you!!
    Brilliant article Danielle, I do love your depth Honey!! Thank you.

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling July 29, 2015 at 4:09 pm

    “Love is something we do, and we need to keep doing it to keep the feeling alive.” …BAM! Nailed it, my friend. x

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