My head, Sponsored

My kingdom for a king sized bed

September 2, 2015

*** This is a sponsored post. All ideas and bed fantasies are my own***


I have had a few sleepovers of late at people’s houses whose spare beds have sucked. Quite literally.

You know that thing when the springs have gone from the middle and you get engulfed by the bed vortex like Johnny Depp in Nightmare on Elm Street?

my kingdom for a king sized bed

RIP Wes Craven.

If the mattress is not too far gone, and you’re sleeping alone, it can actually feel as though you are being cuddled by a big marshmallow but throw a man sized bed buddy into the mix and you’re like some weird hybrid double hot dog in a squishy bun. No matter which way you roll the black hole sucks you back in and you become one conjoined creature with too many arms and legs.

Naturally, I didn’t complain to my hosts about the sad situation of my back the following morning, but I ended up at physio the following week for back pain. Related to the hot dog scenario? We will never know but next time I’ll drag that sorry mattress onto the floor rather than endure an evening feeling like processed pork snouts.

There is nothing better than climbing into my bed at the end of a long day.

Sometimes if I’m out late at night – you know, after 9.30 and stuff – I can hear it calling me from across town. It is my sanctuary and safe haven, and there really is nothing like your own bed…. until someone heavy (sorry, babe) sits on the end of it and breaks a slat.

One slat is not the end of the world, you you say. One slat can be replaced at Bunnings, you say, but one slat leads to two slats and before you know it…..hell, who am I kidding?

I just want to trade my bed in for a king.

Would a king sleep here? Bit loud for me. (source)

Would a king sleep here?
Bit loud for me.

I don’t mean a dude with a jewelled crown and a fist full of bullion (although if anyone knows of one that looking for a slightly stressed and dishevelled mum of two give me a call), I mean a great big bed large enough to fit both of my children, and my fair self all starfished at the same time.

Currently, my queen size fits myself and one child comfortably.

At a push I can do both children but they gravitate towards me like moths to a flame and they both want to press their sweaty little bodies all over mine somehow. One child likes to sleep in the hollow of my shoulder, which is all well and good until my arm dies a death and can only be revived by physically grabbing it with the other hand and getting the circulation going again.

The other child has a preference for sleeping on top on me. When she was 3 kilos it was adorable, now at 20 kilos it does not bode well for a night’s rest.

Still, it is manageable if we must. I wait until they are asleep and then try to claim my own space, but alas, they bring their best friends with them and this is where the real problems begin. Big Dog, Ratty, Sheepie, Koe and New York Teddy (we’re imaginative with names around here) take up the space of another two people and hell hath no nocturnal fury like a toddler who’s told not to bring a friend into Mummy’s bed.

Yes, these guys.

Yes, these guys.

Bottom line is I want a bigger bed.


Next step is deciding on a mattress. I like it firm. And seeing as it’s my bed and I only share with with small people (and occasionally a very handsome dude who just cleaned my gutters – not a euphemism) firm it shall be, but still not all firm mattresses are created equally.

Did you know you can even get half and half beds? Me either. That seems very decadent.

Sleepmaker have new mattress selector where you can answer a few simple questions and they will advise you as you your perfect mattress match. It’s like Tinder for beds.

Perhaps before making this purchase that the entire family, furry friends and all, will live with for the foreseeable future I ought to ask an expert because one may never be seen again in a saggy hotdog mattress with that managerie.

What’s your bed like?

Big enough for you all?


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  • Reply Jean-Marie Menzies September 2, 2015 at 7:07 am

    Do they do one with a pop up screen down the middle to ‘protect’ me from my husband? I want a King sized bed TOO!

    • Reply Danielle September 5, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      Can be arranged. And a fart trapper, please.

  • Reply Gary Lum September 2, 2015 at 7:37 am

    I sleep alone in a queen sized bed. I like being able to sprawl as I sleep. A firm mattress is a must. Whenever I sleep away from home it’s never as good.

    • Reply Danielle September 5, 2015 at 4:24 pm

      I agree. I always wake ridiculously early in hotels.

  • Reply Kim-Marie from Kimba Likes September 2, 2015 at 11:19 am

    The only place it is better to sleep than at home in my own gorgeously comfortable bed is a super glamorous hotel suite.

    I adore my bed. King size, firm yet soft and best of all, the Welshman is on the other side! We both like stretching out when we sleep but he radiates heat like a furnace and there’s room for both of us.

    Boyo has never slept with us – and never weighed 3 kg either! But there would be room for him. We read together every night in our bed before his bedtime. A really nice Mama Boyo moment. Except for the fact that he likes to sit on my side of the bed, under the covers and crack as many farts off as he can. #lifewithboys

    • Reply Danielle September 5, 2015 at 4:23 pm


  • Reply Rachelle Kin September 2, 2015 at 5:30 pm

    We upgraded to a king size with a top of the line, could have bought a car for that (and we got a family deal), mattress a year ago. Never going back! Worth every cent. I’m no longer downing in my husband’s sweat (eww I love him but I’m such a girl and its gross) and he no longer notices my stupidly restless sleeping, cold hands and feet . It was a fantastic marriage investment. Do it!

    • Reply Danielle September 5, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      JEALOUS!!! Not of the sweat. You can keep that.

  • Reply San September 6, 2015 at 4:20 pm

    Processed pig snouts??? I LOVE IT!!! Good stuff, and yeah….. we would KILL for a king size bed, c’mon Lotto, I’ve invested millions in you, time to give back a bundle I reckon!!!

  • Reply Mary J September 7, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    Ha, we get cosy in our beautiful double bed here!! The little lad has taken to occasionally wanting to co-sleep again (5 years later!) so he comes in, snuggles in and promptly falls straight to sleep (like his Dad) and I get him up about half an hour later and walk him back to his bed. Our bed frame is gorgeous and our mattress is superb. It seems small suits us!

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