My head

10 More Things You’ll Hate About Me.

September 14, 2015

10 more things you will hate about meI’m loving Instagram at the moment.

What I’m loving is sharing tiny little snippets of all of the good bits of my life when I look stylish and I’m doing something cool…. or a cartwheel on the beach at dawn – as you do.

Everyone is sharing those good bits, and everything looks beautifully styled and stylish and it’s all just fodder for the eyeballs.

Naturally, I rarely show the shit bits because it’s all part of the fabulous facade. I don’t ever look deathly hungover, or wear ugly comfies, and my kids – and my own – hair is always brushed.

Naturally.

When I wrote 10 Things You’ll Hate About Me and outed myself as being like a revolting teenage boy trapped in a woman’s body I was surprised at how much you loved seeing my disgustingness.

What is wrong with you? You like the fact that I eat the skin on my fingers and I enjoy farting in the enclosed car with my kids in it?

It appears so. And I know why.

Because you have secret disgustingness too. We all have foul habits and bizarre behaviours and that’s what makes us awesome as humans. Most of the time we keep them on the down low or share them only with our nearest who see us picking the skin on our feet as we watch tv (I do that, too. Gross.)

I’m sure many people would like to deny their secret grossness, but I sing it out with pride. Let these 10 more things you’ll hate about me allow you to be at one with your inner feral.

 

1. I drink from the carton in the fridge, but I get the shits if someone else does

Not only am I disgusting but I have double standards. What a jerk. I don’t drink straight from the milk because I don’t swill milk, but coconut water or juice is a go go.

Just to clarify I don’t swill wine straight from the bottle because I’m far too couth for that. I use a straw.

 

2. I like to sleep naked with my cat

Before you judge me as a cat abuser it’s a mutually consenting relationship. I sleep nude, and he likes to burrow under the blankets and be the little spoon.

He feels really lovely on my bare skin and mostly it’s platonic and not weird There was one time that he licked me nipple but in his defense I was lactating and he was curious. It never happened again. I swear.

 

3. I phone people really early in the morning

I just assume that everyone is awake from 6.30 and that it’s kosher to call at 7. Conversely, I won’t call you after 9. Because my mother taught me that that is rude.

 

4. I’m a late breaker in the car causing my passengers to shit themselves

And then, when they turn to me with white knuckles I say, “Did I hit them? Did I?” and get all defensive.

I’m probably never going to change…..but I will need to change my brake pads regularly apparently.

 

5. I’m a terrible sport and I sulk when I lose

I hate playing a sport that I’m bad at (read: all team sports and tennis), and if I get roped into it I get the shits because I’m bad at it and I chuck a McEnroe, colourful language and all.

 

6. I wear my socks more than once

Not my gym socks. I have some standards, but other socks get judged by the sniff test. Yep, I’m a sock sniffer.

 

7. Anything you say to me is fodder for writing

Even your secrets. I may ask permission, I may not. I’ll try to make you unrecognisable but if you said it to me, it’s fair game.

 

8. I confiscate the lollies my kids get a kids parties and I secretly eat them

I act all “Sugar is bad, m’kay?” and promise to dole them out in due course, but the truth is they only get a tiny portion and the rest mysteriously disappear….. Into my lying  belly.

 

9. I’m a chronic picker

Blackheads, spots, ingrown hairs on my body, on your body….gross. I find it really satisfying. Always have enjoyed it, always will.

 

10. I’m intolerant of O.P.Hs

Other people’s habits. In spite of the fact that I fact so many revolting habits of my own, I’m very intolerant when it comes to others. I will call them on it and tell them they’re repulsing and/or annoying.

That makes me a massive douche canoe.

 

Do you have any unflattering habits? Hit me with them and make me feel better!

 

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14 Comments

  • Reply Carolyn @ Champagne Cartel September 14, 2015 at 8:24 am

    Why on earth would I tell you about them? Not only have you admitted you will judge me harshly, you’ll also use them as writing fodder. I do wear my gym socks more than once though. Judge away.

    • Reply Danielle September 17, 2015 at 11:28 am

      I’ll pretend I’m not judging you though. I’ll just do it in my head….

    • Reply Renee | About a Bugg September 18, 2015 at 8:26 pm

      You make perfect sense here Carolyn. She’s trying her best to trick us into getting more fodder for the blog… I’m onto you.

      And no, you didn’t just see me drink juice from the fridge.

      • Reply Danielle September 20, 2015 at 7:08 pm

        Did you dribble? I dribble so I would really benefit from a glass.

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling September 14, 2015 at 1:32 pm

    I’m a sock sniffer and a chronic picker, too. x

    • Reply Danielle September 17, 2015 at 11:28 am

      I feel so much closer to you now. x

  • Reply Lauren @ The Thud September 15, 2015 at 3:40 pm

    Oooh, I’m a chronic picker! I will offer to squeeze other people’s blackheads. My husband had a boil on the back of his leg once and popping that bad boy was once of the best experiences of my life. I can’t even begin to describe how good it felt.

    • Reply Danielle September 17, 2015 at 11:27 am

      Oh, that’s so rank. I love it.

  • Reply Leigh McGregor September 15, 2015 at 9:27 pm

    U r a classic, yep to just about all from me! Like your style.

    • Reply Danielle September 17, 2015 at 11:27 am

      Then you’re a classic too, my dear!

  • Reply raphaela99 September 17, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Love your list! I wear everything for as many days as I can get away with. I also carry a pair of tweezers for those rapid-growing chin hairs.

    • Reply Danielle September 20, 2015 at 7:32 pm

      What’s with the chin hairs?? I have four very persistent ones…. and add insult to injury they often come up in a pimple before they break through skin. Spotty and hairy. Awesome.

  • Reply almostjaneblog September 18, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    Peeling sunburn. I feel quite giddy just thinking about it. I literally cannot control myself. And not just my own, if my husband ever peels, look out. He will tolerate it for a certain length of time before he cracks the shits and puts a T-shirt on. I think that’s why I love him… #romance

    • Reply Danielle September 20, 2015 at 7:06 pm

      Oh yes! Me too. I love that. It’s so gross, but super satisfying.

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