Health and Wellbeing, My head

You’ll feel better soon(ish)

November 30, 2015

feel better in 20 years

I had my first proper panic attack recently. Something did spark it, but it wasn’t a bomb or a someone shooting at me, or a spider in my bed so it was really kinda unwarranted in my opinion.

My whole body started to shiver, and then I started to sweat. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing like a frightened rabbit avoiding a dog and I just couldn’t make it stop, nothing I tried made me feel better. Not mindful breathing, not mindless crying, nothing.

I lay there knowing it wasn’t a heart attack or anything other than I was simply freaking out. I kinda saw it as a sign that I was maybe doing a little bit too much right now.

It went on for hours during the night and when dawn finally broke I felt as though I had run a marathon through the desert. I was wrung out like a stinky old Chux.

I booked a session with my therapist straight away so I could talk about the 500 half-thoughts I had that night of all of the things that could possibly go wrong, but I also thought I’d check in with my naturopath. I thought maybe the Mirena debacle had done something to my hormones and my anxiety levels now aren’t really because I’m busy and stressed out but because I have some simple biological imbalance and with some herbs I’ll be able to continue burning it at the pace I am.

My naturopath is an awesome bird. She’s helped me get my health back on track a couple of time now. I sat down and she asked –

“What can I do for you today?”

“I’m crazy,” I replied.

She laughed and laughed.

“Aren’t we all?” she cackled and sent me off for blood tests at my doctor’s with a bottle full of foul tasting green murky stuff to help calm my frazzle.

My doctor is an exceptionally fabulous doctor. I loved her the minute I met her, so when I sat down and told her everything that was going on in my life she just clucked knowingly.

She wrote out my referral for pathology as I rambled and rambled about having a full-time job and being a full-time single mum, and trying to do both as if the other didn’t exist. I told her I was breaking up with my boyfriend, and I had no family support in Sydney. I told her the Mirena had messed me up emotionally and I felt like there may be residual hormones making me feel like I really wasn’t coping very well and she took off her glasses, lay them on the desk and said this –

“Look, I’m not being dismissive of how you feel, but women are hormonal creatures. We all have hormonal crazy ups and downs and some people are more sensitive to it than others. Let’s do these blood test but I think you’ll find that you’re perfectly normal. You are incredibly busy, you’re an emotional person, your life is stressful and you’re juggling more balls than you thought you could.

“I predict you’ll feel better in about 20 years.”

I thought I would share this in case you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by adulting. You’ll feel better in about 20 years.

Something to look forward to.

 

 

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9 Comments

  • Reply Vicki Wallis November 30, 2015 at 8:02 am

    Be gentle with yourself lovely. I hope you feel better real soon. Hugs. V x

  • Reply Emma November 30, 2015 at 8:37 am

    I’m really sorry that you have been feeling like this but thank you so much for sharing and writing this because it really has helped me and made me feel better. Things can creep up on us and just reading this is a great reminder for me that everyone has shit and we are all doing our best to deal with that in a daily basis. You rock!

    • Reply Danielle December 11, 2015 at 2:57 pm

      Emma, I’m shit checking my comments, but I wanted to let you know that I just read this and I really appreciate your word. Yes, everyone has shit. You are not alone. I reckon you rock too x

  • Reply Zanni November 30, 2015 at 9:33 am

    Oh hon. Sorry to hear about your panic attack, and about the crazy amount of stress and stuff going on in your life. From what I get through your words, you are good at self-care, or at least seeking out help when you need it. Hope you find the calm you need to plough through the next 20 years. Big hugs. xxx

  • Reply Sonia from Sonia Styling November 30, 2015 at 1:15 pm

    We all need something to look forward to, I suppose. In the meantime, I’m here for ya. x

  • Reply San November 30, 2015 at 9:00 pm

    Very sad to hear you’re breaking up with the boyfriend, still, there’s plenty more Foghorn Leghorns in the henhouse Ms. Prissy. You’re busy reassessing and reinventing yourself I reckon hunny. I mean, hell’s belles, you’re working at THE WEEKLY!!! 20 years??? NO WAY!! 20 hrs. 20 days, 20 weeks… lordy …. life can turn on the head of a pin. One step at a time, focus on the glass being half full and remember that means there’s ALWAYS room for more wine Girlfriend….. snogs

  • Reply Sasha @ Fromtheleftfield December 1, 2015 at 11:51 am

    Oh fuck sweets, panic attacks suck balls. 🙁 Even though it felt horrid, you were so awesome to know that it’s going to go away, and it’s not going to do anything other than just feel ick, and then to go talk to someone. I’m sure talking to others and seeking help knocks at least 1 year off. So you’ll feel better in 19 years. xx

  • Reply Becca December 2, 2015 at 11:14 pm

    20 years? Well, at least there’s a light at the end of the tunnel I guess… For both of us. Anxiety is shit. Take care X

  • Reply Glen December 29, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Anxiety is so debilitating. It sucks the marrow from your bones.You are doing an awesome juggle and you are but human Danielle. We all experience this shitty tsunami . It too shall pass. Perhaps you are way overdue for a pamper package. My very significant other bought one for me, knowing I wouldn’t go normally. I didn’t want to offend, and it was just what I needed, so cathartic, I literally came out walking on air and felt so peaceful. Full body massage……I fell asleep!! I highly recommend it!! It is food for the soul. Be gentle with yourself girlfriend.

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