I had my first proper panic attack recently. Something did spark it, but it wasn’t a bomb or a someone shooting at me, or a spider in my bed so it was really kinda unwarranted in my opinion.
My whole body started to shiver, and then I started to sweat. My hands were shaking and my heart was racing like a frightened rabbit avoiding a dog and I just couldn’t make it stop, nothing I tried made me feel better. Not mindful breathing, not mindless crying, nothing.
I lay there knowing it wasn’t a heart attack or anything other than I was simply freaking out. I kinda saw it as a sign that I was maybe doing a little bit too much right now.
It went on for hours during the night and when dawn finally broke I felt as though I had run a marathon through the desert. I was wrung out like a stinky old Chux.
I booked a session with my therapist straight away so I could talk about the 500 half-thoughts I had that night of all of the things that could possibly go wrong, but I also thought I’d check in with my naturopath. I thought maybe the Mirena debacle had done something to my hormones and my anxiety levels now aren’t really because I’m busy and stressed out but because I have some simple biological imbalance and with some herbs I’ll be able to continue burning it at the pace I am.
My naturopath is an awesome bird. She’s helped me get my health back on track a couple of time now. I sat down and she asked –
“What can I do for you today?”
“I’m crazy,” I replied.
She laughed and laughed.
“Aren’t we all?” she cackled and sent me off for blood tests at my doctor’s with a bottle full of foul tasting green murky stuff to help calm my frazzle.
My doctor is an exceptionally fabulous doctor. I loved her the minute I met her, so when I sat down and told her everything that was going on in my life she just clucked knowingly.
She wrote out my referral for pathology as I rambled and rambled about having a full-time job and being a full-time single mum, and trying to do both as if the other didn’t exist. I told her I was breaking up with my boyfriend, and I had no family support in Sydney. I told her the Mirena had messed me up emotionally and I felt like there may be residual hormones making me feel like I really wasn’t coping very well and she took off her glasses, lay them on the desk and said this –
“Look, I’m not being dismissive of how you feel, but women are hormonal creatures. We all have hormonal crazy ups and downs and some people are more sensitive to it than others. Let’s do these blood test but I think you’ll find that you’re perfectly normal. You are incredibly busy, you’re an emotional person, your life is stressful and you’re juggling more balls than you thought you could.
“I predict you’ll feel better in about 20 years.”
I thought I would share this in case you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by adulting. You’ll feel better in about 20 years.
Something to look forward to.
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