We all know that I’ll never be a beauty blogger.

There was that one time I shared my homemade exfoliant when I was too povo to buy my favourite one but a friend read that and bought me some Aesop as a gift because she felt sorry to see me smear porridge on my chops so it never really became a thing.

“send gifts” It’s all in the eyes

On Saturday I worked the morning at mine with the plan of heading to my boyfriend’s house in Bondi, having a swim and chill on the beach, sinking some Coronas at the RSL, before heading home early to watch Suits so I could perv on Harvey Spectre through my beer goggles.

I packed a bikini, a beach dress and a clean pair of knickers. My toothbrush lives there….yes, we’re there.

But the plan changed, as plans do when you’re on a kid free weekend and you realise that not going out for one single cocktail is wasting freedom, so we decided to hit the village for a cocktail.

I looked tired, and I wanted to put a face on so I ferreted around in my handbag hoping to magic some BB cream and mascara.

Instead, amongst the rice chip crumbs and supermarket receipts, I found three magic products that would do the trick.

Today I will share with you my Handbag Makeover – a 3-minute guide on how to put a face on using only what is in your handbag.

I had one glossy red lip chubby pencil, one pale pink shiny gloss and one bright orange lipstick with unidentifiable shit stuck to it.

Firstly, you take your red chubby and do a good drunken smear on the apples of your cheeks. Blend with your fingers.

Next, take the gloss and smear it across the top of your cheekbones to create highlights. Also, smear some on your brow bone above your eye, below your eyebrow.

This gives a nice dewy effect, that can either make you look youthful or sweaty. I think I looked somewhere in between.

Then wipe the unidentifiable crumbs off the lipstick with some toilet paper, give yourself a generous daubing in the lips. You can stop here if you want but because the rest of my sophisticated look was so dewy I decide to smear some more gloss across my lips.

There you have it.

My boyfriend gave me a hug and stuck to my face, like a fly on that weird paper that leaves you with 100 stinky flies stuck to a piece of paper however I looked perfectly ready for a grapefruit martini using only the crusty contents of my bag.

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